Broken Dreams Shattered Memories
by Moonshayde
Summary: As Daniel begins to remember, will he be the person he is meant to be? Series of seven parts that consist of missing scenes and character perspectives as Daniel struggles to regain his memories after the fallout from Full Circle.
1. Part One: Beyond Blue: Janet

Title: Beyond Blue

Author: Moonshayde

Season/Category: Missing Scene from "Fallen." Part One of the Broken Dreams; Shattered Memories series.

Season 7

Spoilers: Fallen

Pairing/Character: Mostly Janet/Daniel. Includes Jack (friendship)

Summary: Janet helps Daniel open up as he is reintroduced to the base.

Rating: PG

_Disclaimer: Stargate, Stargate SG-1 and all of its characters, titles, names, and back-story are the property of MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, Gekko Productions, SciFi Channel, and Showtime/Viacom. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author. This story cannot be printed anywhere without the sole permission of the author. Realize this is for entertainment purposes only; no financial gain or profit has been gained from this fiction. This story is not meant to be an infringement on the rights of the above-mentioned establishments_

* * *

Doctor Janet Fraiser struggled to hold onto her professionalism. 

But in truth, she was anxious, excited, and fearful all at once.

General Hammond had warned her that SG-1 would be bringing back a man that appeared to be Daniel Jackson. She did not doubt SG-1, or the general himself. But how could he be Daniel? Not after she had been there by his side as he succumbed to radiation poisoning. It wasn't possible.

But then again, this was the SGC. She had witnessed a number of strange events during her time here.

Smoothing out the nonexistent wrinkles in her lab coat, she cleared her throat, her gaze locked onto the entrance of the infirmary.

She gasped.

Colonel O'Neill walked toward her, slowly, guiding a man clothed in various shades of blue. The man looked around curiously, appearing lost both physically and emotionally as he studied his surroundings.

_I'll be damned_, she thought, staring at him. He looked exactly like Doctor Jackson.

"Doctor?" the colonel questioned, drawing her from her thoughts. "You've been briefed on the situation, right?"

She nodded. Amnesia. Reportedly, Daniel was suffering from memory loss. And from what General Hammond had stated, it was a severe case at that.

"Hi, Daniel. I'm Doctor Janet Fraiser." She extended her hand to him.

He looked down at her hand, frowning, his blue eyes rolling upward to meet her gaze.

She did not flinch. Keeping with her smile, she beckoned him closer, despite the queasiness in her stomach. This man should not be standing in front of her. And yet, he was.

"I've been your doctor for years," she explained to the unusually quiet man. "I understand you can't remember anything about your life?"

He shook his head. "No, nothing aside from the last two…"

"Months," the colonel finished for Daniel. He glared at Janet. "Look, we all know he can't remember squat. Can't you just, I don't know, do something?"

Janet remained firm, having had the opportunity to deal with Jack O'Neill's personality on many occasions. "And as you're aware, nothing is ever simple, Colonel." She smiled at Daniel, who had returned to his study of the infirmary walls. "I'll need to give him a physical, run a few tests, and then we can take it from there."

"Tests?" Colonel O'Neill's voice was laced with disgust.

"I'd like to make sure he's all right. After …"

Her voice trailed off as she pivoted her head to Daniel. He was staring at her, his frown deepening. "After what?"

Janet attempted to remain cool. Had the colonel told Daniel about his death? If he had, did he know the exact nature of what had happened?

"Nothing," Colonel O'Neill said quickly, snapping Janet from her thoughts. He shot her what she thought was a warning glare. "Maybe we should get on with this?"

"Of course," Janet answered, joining the colonel in avoiding such a touchy subject. At least her question had been answered in part. She knew the exact details about Daniel's death would surface at some point, but she didn't feel this was the right time or place to touch upon those facts.

Janet smiled again, noting Sam, Teal'c, and General Hammond had entered the infirmary. She wasn't oblivious to the obvious concern that had etched itself into their faces.

"Looks like the gang's all here," O'Neill joked.

"I think you're missing one," Daniel remarked, moving his right index finger to count the people in the room.

"Never mind," O'Neill stated. "It's not important."

"Jonas is working on the surveying we're doing, " Sam explained. She quickly jumped to the subject at hand. "You okay, Daniel? Does any of this look familiar to you?"

He shook his head slowly. "No," he replied simply.

Janet nodded, beckoning him closer with her hand, stealing a sideways glance at the colonel and the others. She knew that her colleagues could read past her friendly demeanor. She was worried. Short, simple statements from Doctor Jackson had never been the norm, and were usually a key indicator that something much more sinister lie beneath. She sincerely hoped that was not the case.

"Okay, Daniel, why don't you follow me down this hall and we can get started okay?"

Daniel looked around, his gaze settling on Colonel O'Neill briefly before his focus returned to Janet. She noticed the nervousness he was attempting to keep hidden in his wooden face, and the hint of fear trapped within his eyes.

How could it possibly feel to have no memory? His position was one that she just could not fathom.

"It's alright," O'Neill said with a smile. "Once she's done poking and prodding, it's smooth sailing after that."

Daniel didn't laugh.

The colonel cleared his throat. "Shall we?"

"Just this way," Janet instructed, guiding the two men down the hallway that led to the private rooms in the infirmary.

She stopped in front of a door, and pushed it open. "Okay, Daniel…"

"Daniel?" she heard O'Neill ask hurriedly.

Janet jerked her head, moving quickly to where Daniel was standing. His face was white as a sheet, his blue eyes lack-luster. Concerned, she called for a nurse and approached him carefully.

"Daniel?" she probed gently. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he whispered, his gaze dead centered on the room. "I just rather not go in there."

"Okay, that's okay."

"Maybe we should find him another room?" O'Neill asked, his face pinched with the stress of the situation.

"Of course," she said, faking a smile. His condition was a definite concern for her. She was frightened by his recognition of the very room where he had died.

What if he eventually remembered the details of his death? How would that affect someone? How could any person deal with that kind of trauma?

She shook the thoughts away, keeping her mind focused on the job before her. Walking over to another one of the private rooms in the infirmary, she opened the door and ushered in the two men, as well as the nurse.

"Alright, Daniel, now this is pretty simple. I am just going to give you a quick exam, and run some tests just to check you out. Are you okay with that?"

She noticed that he hesitated, only nodding after stealing a quick glance at the colonel. "Yes," he finally answered.

"Good," she said with a grin, strolling over to the corner. Quickly, she grabbed a hospital gown and flopped it onto the exam bench, and grabbed an empty clipboard.

"I need you to change out of those robes and into that," she said pointing to the flimsy material. "We'll give you some privacy to change while I grab your file, okay?"

"Okay," he said quietly, staring at the white gown.

Inhaling deeply, she pushed down another wave of anxiety. She gestured with a quick jerk of her head to the door, motioning the colonel and the nurse to follow. Nurse Clemmons quickly walked away to retrieve Daniel's file, leaving O'Neill and Janet alone for the moment.

Carefully, she closed the door.

"So what do you think?" O'Neill asked her, wringing his hands together.

What could she possibly tell him?

"For all intents and purposes, he looks like Doctor Daniel Jackson," she offered, knowing her statement was of little use.

"Thanks, Doc, for clearing that up for me."

"Colonel," she addressed patiently. "I don't know what to tell you. I haven't examined him yet and frankly, I don't know what I will find. And when I do have all his results, I may still not have an answer. This is something well beyond anything we're used to. And that's a lot, considering all the strange things I've had to deal with from your adventures through the Stargate."

He frowned, shoving his hands in his pocket. "But you think it's him, right?"

"I'll be able to give my opinion once I have finished his exam." She paused, exhaling, softening her tone as she gazed into Colonel O'Neill's eyes. "Even if it is him, we don't know if his memories will return. He may never be the same person again."

O'Neill cleared his throat and nodded, avoiding her gaze. "Yeah. Carter mentioned something to that effect." He shifted his weight, moving toward the door. "I just don't get how he got this way in the first place."

"I know. And I know this isn't what you want to hear, but we just have to be patient and wait this out." She rubbed his arm soothingly. "I'll see what I can do. And I will get my best to work on this problem."

"You already are," he said softly, casting his gaze aside as Nurse Clemmons returned with the file. Janet thanked her, dismissing the nurse, before moving back towards the room.

She smiled, touched by his kind words. "Now, Colonel, if you'll excuse me, I want to check up on my patient."

He nodded slowly, shoving his hands back into his pockets as he stepped away from the door.

Janet smiled again, closing the door behind her as she moved toward Daniel. He appeared extremely uncomfortable, shifting restlessly on the gurney, using his hands to cover any exposed part of his body.

"Is there anything I can do it make this more comfortable for you?"

He seemed to consider this. "You could get my memory back."

Such a simple, honest request. Yet, such a difficult task.

"We're going to do our best to get you back to who you were. If you're willing, of course."

"I'd like to remember, but it's hopeless," he conceded with a sigh.

She had never seen him so dejected. Not even when he had lost Sha're. Daniel was a private man. He had scarcely ever talked about these losses.He had even been detached about his own pending death.

"Oh, I don't know about that," she said, flipping through his file. "You're a rather resourceful man."

"A lot of good it does me if I can't remember."

Janet nodded. This wasn't going to be easy. Of all the aspects of Daniel's personality that had seemed to stick with him…

"Well, then, let's begin with what you do remember. Do you want to share what you've been doing for the past two months?"

Daniel looked down at his hands. "Not much. A group found me out in a field. I've been living with them ever since."

"I've heard they are wonderful people," she said gently, wheeling over a tray full of medical instruments.

He was watching her carefully. "Yes, they are. They accepted me without any hesitation. And gave me a name."

"A name?" she asked brightly. "What do they call you?"

"Arrom."

"Well, that's a nice name."

"It means 'naked one.'"

"Oh." Janet bit her lip and looked down at her tray. She grabbed a new pair of gloves.

"I like Daniel better."

She slapped on her gloves, causing the man to jump.

"I'm glad. I like Daniel as well," she told him.

He blushed slightly, but continued. "Their leader, Shamda, even wanted me to go out and explore, to see if I could remember." He sighed. "No matter how hard I tried…"

"Maybe you were trying too hard. Just let it come to you." She picked up her penlight and approached him. "Whenever I have a problem that I can't solve, I usually take a step back and allow some time for my mind to relax. Then I usually find the solution."

"Excuse me for saying this, because I don't mean to offendyou, Doctor…" He paused, his forehead wrinkling, "…Fraiser, but I can't remember who I am."

"Stare straight ahead, please." She flashed the light in his eyes, taking note of his dilation. "You haven't offended me, Daniel." She placed the light back, and retrieved another item. "And you can call me Janet." She gazed at him intently. "I can't begin to understand what you're going through. Just know that you have many friends here at the SGC and we're trying our best to help."

"I know," he said with a sigh.

"I'm going to check your ears now, okay?"

"Yes."

Janet peered inside his right ear, satisfied with the result. Next, she quietly moved over to his left.

"Janet, what is Jim like?"

Startled, she stepped back, eyeing him carefully. "Jim?"

"Jim. The guy that just left."

"Jim? Ji—Oh, Jack. Colonel O'Neill?" she asked.

He nodded. "Right. Jack. Jack," he repeated again. "What's he like?"

"What do you mean?"

Daniel shrugged. "I don't know. There's just something about him I can't seem to…" His voice trailed off as he sat deep in thought. "He keeps watching me."

Janet chuckled, her laugh nearly surprising her patient. "Colonel O'Neill means no harm. He's very protective of you. Of all of you. He has a very strict philosophy when it comes to those under his command and care."

"Then, I am in the military as well?"

She shook her head. "No, not exactly. You're a civilian assigned to his team."

"He mentioned I was a doctor. A doctor like you, then?" he asked.

She shook her head again, her heart going out to her friend. "No, you're an academic. You study the past."

He cocked his head, his face pensive as he mulled over her words. She took the opportunity to check his left ear as he thought.

"Maybe that is why I felt drawn to the ruins on the planet."

She smiled, biting down a twinge of excitement. "That does sound like you."

For the first time she had seen him, he smiled back.

"Hate to break the moment, but I am going to have to ask you to untie your gown and lie down on the table for a moment. I need to take a good look at you."

She could see the disdain in his eyes, but he did not protest. Instead, he untied the strings that held the gown together, sighed, and rested his back on the examination bench.

Before she could say anything, he spoke again. "I have a scar."

Janet frowned, noting that he indeed had a scar on his lower right abdomen. So, even though Daniel had ascended into a form of energy, his old body dissolving, his new one had the same markings as the old one.

She widened her eyes and blinked. Even her own thoughts sounded like something out of science fiction.

"Your appendix burst a few years ago," she told him. "You nearly died."

"I did die," he stated, lifting his head. "Or so I've heard."

"Yes…but you didn't die because of appendicitis. We caught that in time," she told him, becoming increasingly uncomfortable with this line of questioning.

"I get the impression I'm here often," he said suddenly.

She smiled, checking over the area where his scar remained. "Don't get the wrong impression. You, Colonel O'Neill, Sam, Teal'c, and the other SG teams all have a habit of stopping by here."

"Then, you must be the most popular woman on the base," he remarked with a grin.

A joke? Her smile widened. It wasn't exactly what she had hoped for, but at least it was better than his subdued attitude.

"Oh, now see, I don't know about that," she replied with an evil grin. "Because here comes the part you're not going to like very much."

He pursed his lips together, allowing another sigh, his gaze rolling to the ceiling.

"Just relax and do what I say."

* * *

"Well, now, that wasn't so bad, was it?" Janet said exuberantly, standing before Daniel. 

"Uh, no, surprisingly not," he said, his tone soft as he blushed slightly.

She grinned. "I'm just waiting for the blood work to come back, and then you'll be free to go. I don't really see the need to keep you—what's the matter?" she asked suddenly, noting the frown crease his face.

He pointed to the door. "Pacing," he stated simply.

Pacing? She turned around, watching a shadow flicker from beneath the door. It flickered again. And again.

Colonel O'Neill.

"Alright, Daniel. I have some fresh clothes for you to change into. They are over there on the chair. I'll be right back."

"Okay. I'll be done in a moment," he told her.

Janet quickly made her way to the door, opening it slightly. She was caught off guard as the colonel poked his head through.

"Hey, how we—"

"Colonel, a moment please?" Janet stated firmly, shoving him back into the hall alongside with her.

"What?" he asked innocently.

"He's trying to get dressed. Give the man some privacy. He's been through a great ordeal."

O'Neill shrugged. "Yeah, I know. But geez, do you know how long it's been? How long does it take you to exam a guy, for crying out loud?"

"You know first hand, Colonel."

"Don't I," he replied wryly. He then straightened himself, all business, gesturing with his head to the door. "So how is he?"

"He's—"

"I'm done," Daniel shouted.

"Just a moment, Colonel."

Janet backed into the door, grabbing the handle and squeezed inside. Daniel was fully dressed, wearing some spare BDU's, waiting patiently on the gurney for her return. She grinned at him, waving her free hand, using the other in a struggle to shut the door.

O'Neill's head popped in once again.

"Colonel!"

"No, it's okay," Daniel said at last. "You can let him in."

Sighing with defeat, Janet released the door, allowing the colonel entrance. He beamed happily, obviously gloating from his success, as he came to meet Daniel.

Then, the phone rang.

"Ah no, no, no," Jack moaned.

Janet placed her clipboard on the nearby counter and grabbed the phone. "Fraiser." She smiled. "Of course he is." Her smile broadened. "Colonel?"

O'Neill muttered something under his breath before snatching the phone from her. "You're just loving it, aren't you?"

Janet hummed to herself as she grabbed her clipboard and settled down by Daniel's side.

"I must have missed something," Daniel commented.

"Oh, it's nothing. We always have a little power play in the infirmary. He does forget that this is my domain and I have the final say on everything that goes out of here."

"I see."

She could tell he didn't.

"Dammit," Colonel O'Neill swore, slamming down the phone. "Doesn't anyone see I am in the middle of something important?"

"General Hammond needs you?"

"No, Jonas," he said irately. "I don't understand a word he says but still he needs me for some…thing."

"You are his commanding officer, Sir," Janet reminded him.

"Yeah, yeah," O'Neill mumbled heading to the door. He turned to Daniel. "Don't get me wrong. Jonas is a nice kid and all. But he's more of a pain than you." He halted and Janet sucked in a deep breath. "Uh, sorry."

Daniel looked bewildered. "It's, uh, it's okay."

The colonel cringed. "Yeah. I'll be right back." With an apologetic glance to Janet, he walked out of the room and rounded the corner.

Daniel immediately turned to her, the frown having returned once again. "A pain?"

She smiled weakly. "You and the colonel…tend to have different philosophies about life. And you're both extremely vocal about them."

"I see."

She could tell that he didn't.

And now she was getting that uncomfortable feeling again.

"Let me go and check on your blood work. I am going to leave the door open, and Nurse Clemmons and an SF are going to stay in here with you, okay?"

"Yeah. Not that I have much choice though, right?"

"No."

"You control the power here."

Her eyes twinkled. "And don't you forget it."

* * *

"Oh, you're back." 

Janet smiled at Daniel as she walkedinto the private room. She acknowledged the SF standing guard, and beckoned the nurse to her. Grabbing a few charts, she added them to the blood tests results she had picked up from the lab, and completed her file.

Daniel waited patiently, without saying another sound as Janet organized his file. She brought together all his notes, her findings, and his history, searching for any outstanding anomalies.

Nothing. She could find nothing.

Hearing movement, she glanced up, watching as Colonel O'Neill entered the room. He stepped aside, allowing the nurse to leave. Raising his eyebrows, he eyed her expectantly.

"Well, I'm happy to say, Sir, he's in perfect health, except for one small exception."

Janet reached into her pocket and withdrew a pair of glasses, handing them to Daniel. He accepted them, without question, and slid them on his face as if he had never lost them.

"Wow," he started, his eyes adjusting to the lenses. "That's different."

Janet grinned. Now, he looked like their Daniel.

Colonel O'Neill leaned over, nearly shoving himself in Daniel's face as he attempted to get his attention. "You recognize me now?"

Daniel looked up at him, studying him contemplatively. Finally, he broke from his thoughts, but kept his eyes on Colonel O'Neill.

"Has your hair always been that way?"

Janet frowned; O'Neill appeared slightly taken aback.

"What way?"

Bowing his head, Daniel allowed his gaze to fall to the floor. "Never mind," he stated quickly.

The colonel shot a curious look to Janet. She could only raise her hands. She wasn't even going to try to touch that one.

"So, he's okay to leave?" O'Neill stated, changing the subject.

"I see no reason to keep him here." She smiled, folding her arms over the folder and regarding Daniel softly. "Besides, I think it would be good for him to take a walk around."

He nodded. She was pleased. Maybe if Daniel saw some of the base, interacted with some of the people, his memories would return to him.

She shot him another genuine smile, watching as Jack guided the lost man out of the infirmary.

Janet sighed, clutching the file harder.

One could only hope.


	2. Part Two: Unto You This Night: Teal'c

Title: Unto You This Night

Author: Moonshayde

Season/Category: Missing Scene from "Fallen." Part Two of the Broken Dreams; Shattered Memories series.

Season 7

Spoilers: Fallen, Cor-ai, Enemies, Threshold

Pairing/Character: Teal'c/Daniel (friendship)

Summary: Daniel revisits Teal'c with more questions.

Rating: PG

Note: While the term Tec'ma-te originally was used in the context of an honorable title, the show has shown us that it has various meanings and possibly various spellings. Here, it is used as a term of honor, not as a title or greeting.

_Disclaimer: Stargate, Stargate SG-1 and all of its characters, titles, names, and back-story are the property of MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, Gekko Productions, SciFi Channel, and Showtime/Viacom. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author. This story cannot be printed anywhere without the sole permission of the author. Realize this is for entertainment purposes only; no financial gain or profit has been gained from this fiction. This story is not meant to be an infringement on the rights of the above-mentioned establishments_

* * *

The soft sound of footsteps easily drew Teal'c from his meditation.

Slowly, he opened his eyes, cocking his head slightly, as the footfalls came closer and closer. Once, when he was able to kel'no'reem, such a minor distraction would not have been a distraction at all. Now, even the faintest of noises roused him from his concentration.

"You may enter, DanielJackson."

Teal'c watched as his door opened slightly, before Daniel Jackson's head poked through the narrow passage.

"Am I interrupting?" he asked guardedly, for the second time that night.

"You are not," Teal'c informed him, bowing his head as an offering of respect to the man. "Please enter."

The other man nodded and carefully slipped into the room. Teal'c eyed him studiously, wondering why his friend would feel compelled to use such caution.

"I couldn't sleep," Daniel Jackson said nervously, moving quietly through the room until he reached Teal'c's spare chair. "And then, I saw your light on…well, the lights…" His voice drifted as he stared at the candles. "You mentioned something before…"

"Kel'no'reem."

"Yes, I'm sorry. What is that, anyway? Like some form of meditation?"

"You are correct," Teal'c stated.

"Why can't you do it anymore?"

Teal'c straightened his back, solidifying his posture. "As I stated earlier, once I started using tretonin, I have been unsuccessful in reaching kel'no'reem."

His friend nodded, but still appeared confused. Had he not explained in the most simplest of terms?

"And you need all the candles for it?"

"The lighting provides the proper mood and tone for kel'no'reem."

"But you can't kel'no'reem anymore?"

"I cannot." Teal'c frowned, realizing he was having difficulty in following Daniel Jackson's reasoning.

"So, what are you going to do now?"

"I will continue to mediate to achieve a state close to kel'no'reem."

"What happens during kel'no'reem?"

Teal'c eyed him curiously, cocking his head slightly at the question. "For what purpose do you ask, DanielJackson?"

The other man wrinkled his nose and pursed his lips. Teal'c interpreted his gesture to mean he was thinking, as he had often done in the past. "I don't know." He rubbed his nose when Teal'c did not reply. "Well, I don't know, I just…I had some strange images."

Teal'c regarded him thoughtfully. "Has some of your memory returned, DanielJackson?"

"No, well, no." He shook his head. "But I was dreaming. And I saw…Well, I just get the impression you do this often. For important reasons."

Teal'c nodded once. "Indeed. When I carried a symbiote, it was necessary for my continued survival."

"I'm sorry. Symbiote?"

He arched his eyebrow, surprised as his friend's gaze drifted to his abdomen. "Do you not recall, DanielJackson?" Teal'c asked, watching his friend patiently.

Daniel Jackson shook his head, his gaze still fixated on Teal'c. "No, just images…"

Teal'c frowned, noting the increase of discomfort in the man's face.

"Would it please you to discuss your dream, DanielJackson?"

He rubbed his hands together and started to nod, shifting nervously in his chair. "Uh, yeah, if you don't mind."

Teal'c smiled softly. Any way he could assist his friend, he would. "I do not," Teal'c informed him.

"Okay," Daniel Jackson looked down and swallowed hard. "I-I woke up feeling like I might have been in here before."

"As you were earlier this night," Teal'c stated.

"Yeah. No. I mean, before that."

Teal'c nodded. "Do you have memory of events that transpired in this room?"

Daniel Jackson shook his head. "No. Just a couple of images of you sitting there. Nothing specific."

"You frequented this room on many occasions."

"I did? Did it bother you?"

Teal'c smiled softly once again. "It did not."

"What did we used to do in here?"

Teal'c eyed him carefully. As much as he would enjoy stimulating his friend's memory, he still believed the best course of action would be for Daniel Jackson to remember by his own accord.

"DanielJackson, do you not believe it would be most beneficial for you to continue to wait for your memory to return?" Teal'c stated firmly.

His friend sighed, resting his palm on the small table. "I don't want to wait." He pursed his lips and gazed at Teal'c intently. "You already told me about Oma Desala and Anubis. A little more information won't hurt."

Teal'c lifted his head and regarded Daniel Jackson thoughtfully. It appeared his friend's need for knowledge had remained intact.

"You often came to this room to discuss matters of great importance," Teal'c informed him, keeping his answers vague.

"Oh…" Teal'c watched with concern as the other man's voice drifted for a moment. "Sort of what I am doing right now?"

Teal'c nodded once. "That is correct, DanielJackson."

"I had another dream," he said suddenly.

Curious, Teal'c cocked his head once again, and arched his eyebrow. "Please continue."

Daniel Jackson fidgeted on the chair, as if he were uneasy, before readjusting his gaze onto Teal'c. "It started off just as some feelings. Then I started with images and more images."

"Of what did you dream?"

He seemed to hesitate. "This place. Well, not 'this' place. Some other place. We were both there. I assume it was some other planet, actually." He made a face, shaking his head as he gestured with his fingers to create long vertical lines in the air. "You had this paint…"

Teal'c stiffened, immediately recalling the time and place.

"The Cor-ai."

"The what?"

"Cor-ai. It is similar to what you call a trial."

Daniel Jackson frowned. "Why were you on trial?" His frown deepened, a glaze coming over his eyes. "You've…What did you do?"

Teal'c frowned, feeling an unease overcome his body. Yet, he remained where he was, allowing his friend a moment to gather himself.

"You've done…You've been trying to atone…" Daniel Jackson's voice trailed off as the color began to drain from his cheeks.

Then, his eyes started to roll back into his head.

Immediately, Teal'c rose, striding quickly to the seat that held his friend. "DanielJackson? DanielJackson?" He placed a hand on his shoulder.

The man jerked at the touch, causing Teal'c to step away. "I'm okay," he said, bending over slightly to hold his head. "Sorry. Just a headache."

"Do you require medical attention?" Teal'c asked, concerned.

"No. No. I'm fine." He shook his head, closing his eyes. Teal'c watched him carefully, fearing his friend might become unconscious. Daniel Jackson winced, squeezing his eyes shut.

"Have you been experiencing these headaches since your return?" Teal'c questioned, not willing to allow the subject to be dropped.

Daniel Jackson nodded and winced again. "Yeah."

"Perhaps Doctor Fraiser—"

"No, it's fine. She's done what she can. I'm fine."

"Then perhaps you are exerting more effort to recall your memories than your body can manage," Teal'c offered.

He shrugged. "Doctor Frasier said something like that."

"She is usually correct in such matters."

His friend eyed him carefully, and for a moment, Teal'c thought he saw recognition in the man's eyes. However, whatever he had seen was gone before Teal'c could assess it any further.

"No, really. I'm fine." He pressed his fingers to the bridge of his nose. "Just…" He licked his lips.

"Do you have need of refreshment?" Teal'c turned away, careful not to knock his candles, and retrieved a bottle of water. He handed Daniel Jackson the bottle, offering the water to his friend gently.

Perhaps it had not been in Daniel Jackson's best interests to discuss his memories at this time.

"Thank you," he answered, accepting the water and drinking slowly. Carefully, he placed the bottle on the table. He did not speak for several minutes, but it heartened Teal'c to see the color once again returning to his face.

"I am feeling better. Thank you."

"Are you certain?"

Daniel Jackson nodded. "Yes, my head feels much clearer now."

His friend's eyes were no longer glassy, an observation that allowed Teal'c to relax.

"Then I am pleased as well."

The other man smiled. "You're a good person, Teal'c, no matter what you did in your past."

Startled, Teal'c leaned closer to him. "Then you have memory…"

"No." He sighed. "No. I wish that I did. Only a few flashes. But it's mostly impressions. I have some sensations." Daniel Jackson turned to face him, and there was a warmth in his eyes that brought a sense of ease to the Jaffa's mind. "I feel that you've done some things that have caused me pain, but I also feel that I forgave you long ago for them." He swallowed hard. "I trust you."

Teal'c could not suppress the smile that came to his lips. These words were indeed good words to hear. "It pleases me to hear you say that, DanielJackson."

He smiled softly in return.

"I have pledged my allegiance to this world," Teal'c informed him. "But I have also sworn to protect you and my friends here at the SGC."

"Thank you," he said nodding. "I get that impression."

"I can only regret that I was unable to save you. And I am unable to recall your memories for you," Teal'c stated mournfully. "For this, I ask your forgiveness."

A slight frown touched Daniel Jackson's lips. "You're sorry? For this?"

"That is correct."

"Teal'c, you can't blame yourself for something like this." With a soft sigh, his friend tapped the table with his fingers. "Look, I'm frustrated. I want to know why this happened. I want to understand why this Oma Desala person did this or why I might have even done this. But it's not your fault. I know it is not your fault."

Teal'c bowed graciously. His confession did much to relieve the strain on his heart, but did not erase the burden completely. Since the day he had sworn to protect Daniel Jackson, and to honor his name, Teal'c had held the job with the utmost importance. He was to blame for Sha're's kidnapping and death. He was to blame for many of the situations where SG1 had been compromised. And now, known to no one, he felt a weakness overcoming him from use of the tretonin in place of his symbiote. How was he to continue to protect Daniel Jackson if he was not as he once was?

"I'm sorry you can't kel'no'reem anymore," Daniel Jackson stated softly. "I know that is was important to you. But you are a strong person. You'll be alright."

Teal'c nodded. "As are you. I believe your memories shall return in time."

Of this, Teal'c was certain.

"I hope so. I feel like they are just there in front of me, waiting for me to grab them."

"I believe you have made more progress than you realize." He smiled gently at his friend, recalling a troubled time in his own past when he had been brainwashed by Apophis. It had been through the strength of his friends, and the teachings of Bra'tac that had helped him survive. "I am certain you will rise again."

"Thanks for the encouragement." He stood, rubbing his hands on his pants. "I-I should let you go." He smiled warmly at Teal'c and paused at the door. He turned, facing him, and smiled again. "Thank you for everything."

"Your presence is most welcome here," Teal'c stated, bowing.

He nodded, and began to slip back through the opening.

"DanielJackson!"

He paused, poking his head through once more. "Yes?"

Teal'c straightened and clasped his hands behind his back. "If you require my assistance in the future, you need not hesitate. Your presence is most welcome here," he stated again. "Always."

Another smile crept over his friend's face, a smile that Teal'c knew was a rarity in the man's past. Full, open, and peaceful.

"Thank you. Tek ma te, Teal'c."

"Tek ma—" Teal'c began to reply automatically. Then he froze, as the realization dawned on him. Speechless, he watched as Daniel Jackson closed the door behind him.

After a moment, a smile crept across the Jaffa's lips.

Daniel Jackson's memory would indeed return. Of this, he was certain.


	3. Part Three: Heroics: Jonas

Title: Heroics

Author: Kerri

Season/Category: Missing Scene from "Fallen." Part Three of the Broken Dreams; Shattered Memories series.

Season 7

Spoilers: Meridian, Fallen

Pairing/Character: Jonas

Summary: Jonas ponders his place and his dreams in light of Daniel's return. Scene takes place prior to Jonas entering the VIP room to discuss his thoughts on Anubis and the tablet with Daniel.

Rating: PG

_Disclaimer: Stargate, Stargate SG-1 and all of its characters, titles, names, and back-story are the property of MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, Gekko Productions, SciFi Channel, and Showtime/Viacom. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author. This story cannot be printed anywhere without the sole permission of the author. Realize this is for entertainment purposes only; no financial gain or profit has been gained from this fiction. This story is not meant to be an infringement on the rights of the above-mentioned establishments_

* * *

Jonas paused, gazing down the hallway that led to Daniel Jackson's makeshift room.

Ever since they had found the man on Vis Uban, Jonas had been itching to talk to him alone. He had both anticipated and dreaded this moment, knowing that if Daniel ever returned, it meant more changes in his life.

Until now, he had been comfortable in knowing that his predecessor was just some form of energy. As an Ascended being, an evolved life form, he provided some level of comfort to SG1. They could always retain the hope they would see him again one day. But for Jonas, it meant something different. This allowed him the reassurance he needed in such a difficult position. The distance.

Trying to fill the shoes of such an acclaimed scientist—at least to the SGC—had proven more than difficult. Doctor Jackson was well-loved, well-respected, and well-deserving of that attention. He seemed to have an infectious element to himself, the ability to spark change in people where there was no hope before.

In truth, he was a catalyst.

Jonas sighed, shoving his hands into his pockets.

Doctor Jackson had sure changed his life. He still remembered when they first met, how passionate he was. Jonas couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by his knowledge and his compassion. The man was brilliant, and he had found himself wanting to spend every minute he could with the linguist.

That day in the lab…

He still could see it replay in his mind over and over. The nightmare served as a constant reminder, a weight that was always present in his mind.

Not only had Doctor Jackson awed him with his knowledge of ancient cultures from all over the galaxy, he had stunned him with his sheer determination to help those around him.

The man had given up his life for him. Just like that. For a complete stranger. For an entire planet of strangers. He hadn't even hesitated. One brief moment, and the deed had been done. Doctor Jackson had successfully disarmed the bomb.

Doctor Jackson had gone in knowing full well what would happen.

Jonas cast his eyes downward. How can you face a man that would do something so selfless that no words could really describe it?

How fair was it that Doctor Jackson's tragedy was his fortune?

Now, it wasn't just death. It was life without memory.

For a man who had a reputation, for a man who had figured out how to work the Stargate, and how to gate to several worlds…

He's lost the most precious thing. His mind.

Maybe, for someone like Doctor Jackson, that was a fate worse than death.

The thought saddened Jonas, and he feared he would never have the lengthy conversations he'd desired with the linguistic anthropologist and archaeologist. He'd read all his reports, all his notes. He had only witnessed him briefly as an Ascended being. Now, having a better understanding of the man, more so than when they first met, would he be denied the opportunity to debate with him?

But he would speak with him anyway, even if the man could offer just fragments. Even just his presence might help Jonas perfect his ideas about Anubis and the Ancients.

Shifting his weight, Jonas gazed ahead, ignoring the stares of the SF's that stood in the hallway.

Some of them were relatively new here, just like him. They probably couldn't understand the importance of whom SG1 had discovered on Vis Uban.

But he could see the pain evident in all his new companions. Colonel O'Neill happened to fidget more. Major Carter appeared distracted. And Teal'c? His silent gaze never seemed to leave Doctor Jackson.

They all wanted him back.

Yes, Doctor Jackson was a catalyst once again.

If his new ideas concerning Anubis and the tablet they'd found panned out, then he knew his time here would be limited. He loved the SGC, he loved the people, and he loved the job.

But he knew, even when he started, this scary change that had befallen him would change again, and he would need to move on.

Doctor Jackson had altered his life, and it wouldn't stop now. The change would continue to ripple outward, and to frighten him, as it did that day he had left the confines of Kelowna. He knew that even if he tried to stop it, even if he ignored it, and tried to hide in the comfort of the present, that the future would snatch him eventually.

He couldn't keep running. And one day, he would have to muster up the nerve to face the past and the guilt that accompanied it.

_Why can't I just say it?_ he thought to himself. _Why can't I just say it to him? Why can't I tell him I'm sorry?_

Sucking in a deep breath, he walked forward, heading toward the room.

It may not be today, but one day…

One day, he promised, one day when he was stronger, when he was wiser, and when he was more courageous, he would make it up to Doctor Jackson for all he had done and sacrificed. He would show the SG1 and the SGC just what kind of hero Jackson really was.

One day, he would make the people of Kelowna understand. He would make them all understand.

And Daniel Jackson would never be forgotten again.


	4. Part Four: Faceless Presence: Hammond

Title: Faceless Presence

Author: Moonshayde

Season/Category: Short that takes place between "Homecoming" and "Fragile Balance." Part Four of the Broken Dreams; Shattered Memories series.

Season 7

Spoilers: Fallen, Homecoming

Pairing/Character: Hammond/Daniel

Summary: Hammond expresses his concern over Daniel's behavior after having rejoined the SGC.

Rating: PG

Thanks to my beta Wallace for all her help

_Disclaimer: Stargate, Stargate SG-1 and all of its characters, titles, names, and back-story are the property of MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, Gekko Productions, SciFi Channel, and Showtime/Viacom. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author. This story cannot be printed anywhere without the sole permission of the author. Realize this is for entertainment purposes only; no financial gain or profit has been gained from this fiction. This story is not meant to be an infringement on the rights of the above-mentioned establishments_

* * *

"Alright, well inform the Pentagon—"

General Hammond stopped short, hearing a soft knock on his closed door. He paused only for a moment to consider whether to send the person away or to allow them to enter. He had informed the base that he wasn't to be disturbed for an hour.

But he'd give them the benefit of the doubt. Five minutes tops.

"Come in."

Doctor Jackson opened the door slowly, poking his head to take a glance around. His gaze focused on Hammond, before moving to the figure standing beside him.

"Is this a bad time?" Doctor Jackson asked.

George Hammond smiled. "Not at all, son. Come right on in."

Hammond beckoned the young man into his office. Normally, he would reprimand anyone who would have disturbed him under specific orders, but he couldn't chastise the man this time. He knew the doctor probably never had received the memo. The computer and technical staff were already living a nightmare trying to add Doctor Jackson into the system, and provide for him the necessary clearance codes, step by step, as approved by Hammond. Not to mention the problems the administration and finance departments were having.

Again.

The young man never could make it easy, could he?

As the linguist entered, Hammond gestured to his right. "Do you remember Major Davis?"

Doctor Jackson halted, tapping the folder in his hands as he stared at the dumbfounded major. "Vaguely." He smiled sheepishly. "Sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry about, son."

"Doctor Jackson?" Davis' voice was filed with disbelief.

George Hammond chuckled. He had briefed Major Davis on the situation once he had entered the base. But seeing was believing, and he was sure the major would have never fully understood the linguist's return if he hadn't been present to see the evidence himself.

"Hello," Daniel replied, forcing a grin as he regarded Davis.

"Major, would you mind if I had a moment with Doctor Jackson? Then we can continue."

Major Davis tore his gaze from Doctor Jackson, and nodded to Hammond, the shock still frozen on his face. "Yes, of course, sir." Major Davis gathered himself, and walked towards the door, pausing a moment by the linguist's side. "It's-it's good to have you back, Doctor Jackson."

"Thank you," he replied earnestly. "It's good to be back."

Major Davis nodded again, still bewildered, before stepping out of the room and closing the door behind him.

"You'd-you'd think that he'd seen a ghost or something," the young man joked nervously, tapping the file on his arm.

George Hammond smiled at him again. Doctor Fraiser had informed him that Doctor Jackson would seek out various ways to cope with his memory loss, and it appeared jokes and off-handed comments were his way. As long as he remained professional and didn't cause any harm, it was fine by Hammond.

"What can I do for you, Doctor Jackson?"

The linguist cleared his throat. "Right." Taking a small step forward, he placed the file on Hammond's desk and backed away. "That's-uh-that's my report on our last mission."

Hammond glanced down at the folder, and opened it, revealing the neatly typed mission report. He scanned through it briefly, noting the detail and research that went into the project. With a questioning look, Hammond studied him. "How did you get this done so quickly? You're not even set up to access your own computer yet."

"Sam," Doctor Jackson replied simply. "Sam let me use her laptop to write up my report." He shifted his weight from side to side. "I hope that isn't a problem. I just wanted to have the report done as soon as I could."

Hammond was about to lecture him on the protocols of security, but he thought better of it. That discussion would be better suited between himself and Major Carter.

"I appreciate your dedication to your job, Doctor Jackson." He paused, searching for the right words. "Just if you would, next time, inform either myself or Colonel O'Neill if you need access into certain files or information so that we can give you the appropriate clearance."

Doctor Jackson nodded, but was clearly shaken. "Yes, sir."

"Don't worry, son," Hammond said gently. "Major Carter isn't in any trouble. I'm sure she was just doing what she could to make you comfortable and allow you to do your job to the best of your ability." He smiled. "The problem is the Pentagon doesn't always look at it that way. And major doesn't outrank colonel or major general."

He nodded again. "I understand. I just wanted you to have my report on Anubis."

General Hammond gazed at him intently. There was such a thing as over working, he thought to himself. Since Doctor Jackson had returned, Hammond had watched the young man pour himself into research, read old mission reports from every team member, including his own, and absorb any tidbit of information people on the base would provide for him. If he weren't careful, the linguist would be heading for a burnout long before he had the chance to become comfortable with himself again.

"Why don't you take a seat, Doctor."

Exhaling deeply, he complied, easing himself in the chair across from Hammond's desk. He pursed his lips, and folded his hands in his lap, looking like a child ready for his punishment.

"Is there something wrong with the report, General? Some detail that I left out or some material I should have cross-referenced?"

"You're not in any trouble, Doctor," George Hammond said softly.

Despite his comment, the linguist shifted uneasily.

"You've done an excellent job. For a man without his full memory, I might add. Not only did you help bring down Anubis' ship, but you helped Jonas Quinn while on board." General Hammond leaned forward, folding his hands on his desk. "Now, Doctor Fraiser tells me that you're doing just fine. I'd like you to take some time to relax and get readjusted to your surroundings here."

"I am. I am," Doctor Jackson said quickly. "But I am here to do my job." He raised his finger and leaned forward as he motioned to the report. "If you look over to paragraph six of page three—"

"Doctor Jackson," Hammond stated firmly.

He stopped, lowering his finger slowly.

"I said to relax. I really don't want to have to make it an order."

"Well, since I am a civilian—"

"Doctor Jackson," he repeated again, now with a warning. He shook his head, recalling the first few meetings between the younger man and himself. Daniel Jackson had always been a zealous man, never backing down until he won his argument.

He wasn't going to stop now, it seemed.

"I just want to prove to you—"

"Prove, Doctor Jackson? You find it necessary to prove yourself here?"

The younger man stared at him blankly. "General?"

Hammond sighed. "You have nothing to prove, son. You've already done more than enough."

This time the linguist did not reply. General Hammond continued.

"You're the reason any of us are here right now, Doctor. You opened the Stargate. You found the cartouche on Abydos. It's through your efforts we have as many allies as we do now." Hammond kept his expression intense, willing Doctor Jackson to understand his gratitude and his admiration. "Hell, if it hadn't been for you and the rest of SG-1, we'd have been taken over by the Goa'uld a long time ago."

"So I've heard."

"Then you need to start believing it," Hammond told him.

Doctor Jackson appeared to consider the comment. He nodded.

"I'll review your report as soon as I am finished with my agenda for the day," Hammond informed him and then smiled. "I'm sure it's just fine."

"Thank you, General." The linguist lifted himself out of the chair and walked toward the door.

"Oh, and Doctor?"

He paused, holding his hand over the handle.

"Just remember that you've always been a part of this program. Even when you were gone. You were much more than just a faceless presence. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

Doctor Jackson smiled, a genuine smile. "Thank you, General."

General Hammond responded with a brief nod of his head, watching as the linguist left the room. Major Davis immediately replaced him.

"General?"

"Come right in."

Major Davis entered quickly, shutting the door behind him. "Sir? Really?" he asked, motioning to outside Hammond's office.

Hammond smiled softly. "Yes, Major, it's really him."

"It's amazing."

"Yes, it is."

"Sir?" Major Davis began, taking a seat across from Hammond. "Before we continue with our meeting—"

"What is it, Major?"

"I've had the opportunity to work with Doctor Jackson on many occasions, as you know. And while the two of us haven't always been in agreement over the same issues…" He paused, sincerity in his eyes as he gazed at Hammond. "Well, I'm glad that the SGC has welcomed him back."

Hammond smiled, feeling the same respect that he had heard in Major Davis' voice. Doctor Jackson just seemed to have that affect on people.

"So am I, Major. So am I."


	5. Part Five: Scientific Inquiry: Sam

Title: Scientific Inquiry

Author: Moonshayde

Season/Category: Short that takes place between "Homecoming" and "Fragile Balance." Part Five of the Broken Dreams; Shattered Memories series.

Season 7

Spoilers: Meridian, Fallen/Homecoming, Bloodlines, In the Line of Duty, Stargate (the movie), The First Ones, Upgrades

Pairing/Character: Primarily Sam/Daniel. Includes Jack, Teal'c, and Janet. (Friendship)

Summary: A late night in Sam's lab proves that chocolate and flowers can conquer all.

Rating: PG

Author's Notes: Thanks again for Wallace's help on making this a better story.

_Disclaimer: Stargate, Stargate SG-1 and all of its characters, titles, names, and back-story are the property of MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, Gekko Productions, SciFi Channel, and Showtime/Viacom. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author. This story cannot be printed anywhere without the sole permission of the author. Realize this is for entertainment purposes only; no financial gain or profit has been gained from this fiction. This story is not meant to be an infringement on the rights of the above-mentioned establishments_

* * *

Typing quickly, Samantha Carter continued to work on her latest report. She figured that if she pulled another all-nighter, she would be able to complete the work by dawn. Glancing down at her watch, she swore.

Already two in the morning. Where did the time go?

Shaking her head, she began to type again, deciding she would not allow anything to distract her.

Pausing, she glanced up, her ears straining to hear. Shuffling?

Sam twisted her head, nearly missing the form that brushed by her open doorway. She stared at the empty corridor for a moment, and after catching nothing, she returned to her computer.

Probably just an SF patrolling the hallways.

Another flicker.

Grumbling to herself, she stood, moving brusquely to the door. One easy way to solve this problem.

"Uh," she said, staring into the corridor. "Daniel?"

Daniel spun around, nearly tripping over his own feet as his gaze settled on her. A little uncomfortable, his cheeks were touched with pink. He forced a smile as he stood there, a misplaced soul in the midst of gray.

"I'm lost again," he admitted, embarrassed.

She smiled gently at him. She knew he was still struggling to grapple with his memory loss. Though, she had to admit, he had come a long way. In the short time he had been with them since they had found him on Vis Uban, Daniel had already been able to recall certain events. Even more miraculous was his ability to easily fall in step with his old patterns and habits, and in some cases pick up right where he'd left off. Aside from minor differences here and there, he looked and acted like the Daniel they'd lost a year ago. If she were in his position, she couldn't say if she would have fared as well.

"Where are you trying to go?"

He bit his bottom lip, stealing a precursory glance to his left and then to his right. Then he surprised her with a curt, nervous laugh. "My office."

"Oh," Sam tried to keep her smile steady. "Well, I can see how easy it would be to lose your office. This place is huge. I never can find it myself."

"Nice try," he said. Then, before she had a chance to answer, he pointed to somewhere behind her. "Your lab?"

She nodded, stepping aside as Daniel entered. His eyes were wide as he studied the lab, like a kid in a candy store searching for the best treat. He stopped in front of some of her shelves, taking the opportunity to take a manual and flip through it.

Normally, she would have jumped on anyone who went through her carefully organized materials, but she decided Daniel could have his way this once. As long as he remembered to put it back where it belonged, she thought.

"Physics," he mumbled, turning the pages. "This is more advanced then what I learned in college."

The comment startled Sam. College? Did he remember his college days? Did he realize what he just had said? Or was it an automatic response?

"I keep that book available for my assistants," she told him, coming over to his side. "You know, that used to be one of the most advanced books in academia. But with all that we do day in and day out, now it's just…elementary."

"From what I've read, it appears just about every subject needs to be updated," he said absently, placing the book on the shelf and reaching for another.

Cringing, Samantha grabbed the book he had just released and slipped it into its proper place. "I know. History itself will need to be rewritten."

"Too bad we can't tell anyone," he said. He smiled, flipping to another page. "Well, I understand some of this. Not all the text, but the maps."

She grinned too. Star maps. Constellations. She thought he would feel right at home looking at them.

"You know, I have several more books that go into an in-depth analysis of the constellations, the compositions, and their placements. If you'd like, I can have the materials cross-referenced for you and in your office by the morning."

He gazed at her, closing the book slowly. "Thanks for the offer," he said, strumming the side of the book. "Maybe you can hold onto that information and I can look at it once I am done with my research."

"Okay," she replied, her eyes lighting up. "Oh, and I have plenty of other materials here that I am sure you'll find fascinating."

"Plenty more…" His voice trailed off and his gaze roamed the room. "Good thing I am not an astrophysicist," he said with a laugh. "All of this information gives me a headache."

"Oh, it's not so bad," she told him, taking the book and shelving it. "Besides, you don't need to be an astrophysicist to make startling discoveries, do you?"

His reply was a soft smile.

"So," he said suddenly, changing the topic. "What are you up to?"

"Just working on my report," she answered, motioning to her desk. "It's a more comprehensive look at naquadah and naquadria."

"At two in the morning?"

She smirked, arching her eyebrows. "This coming from the guy who is looking for his office at two in the morning?"

He swayed his head from side to side, considering her words. "Point taken."

He didn't say anything after that, but continued to stroll around her lab. He would stop every so often, pick something up, and then put it down again, before wandering off to another section of her lab.

Memory or no memory, his curiosity never seemed to leave him.

"We found that on PJ5-071," she advised him, motioning with her hand to the small spherical device he was studying. "Jonas tried to translate the text along its equatorial border, but wasn't very successful. He thought maybe the writing was akin to Greek, but he couldn't find any references in your notes. Once we're able to translate it, I might be able to figure out its function, and how it relates to the other compounds we found at the site."

Daniel stole a peek at her before looking down at the object. "It looks like a globe."

She grinned. "Yeah, I guess it does. But we found it near a high concentration of mineral ore used in many of the Goa'uld weapons and transport technology that we've run across recently. It appears to be working in combination with the naquadah, enhancing—"

"It may be just a globe," he told her again, placing the object back on her shelf.

She sighed, disappointed with his lack of enthusiasm. Normally, he would just jump right into a new project, his excitement so intense it could reach the point of becoming overwhelming. He didn't even seem to care or want to try.

She was beginning to get the distinct impression he wasn't just here because he couldn't find his office.

Feeling irritated and a little resentful, she glared at Daniel. "So why did you stop by my lab?"

Ouch, that had come out a little colder than she had wanted.

Daniel turned to her, his face puckering into a slight frown. "Uh, no reason really." He smiled—one of those forced smiles—before wrapping his arms around his chest. "Just thought I would say hi before I went off to search for my office." That damned fake smile became larger. And more fake. "I'll be going now and leave you to your work."

How did he manage to recall all his little mannerisms, and guilt trips, without gaining all of his memory?

"Well, stay for a moment," Sam said, feeling a twinge of remorse. "I needed a break anyway."

Daniel shrugged. "Okay."

Now that was far too easy.

"So what have you been up to tonight?" she asked him, sitting down at her desk. She waved him to take a seat across from her, which he did. "What could you possibly need to do in your office at this hour?"

"What I usually do."

"And? Did you want to be a little more specific?"

He leaned forward, and suddenly she was acutely aware of the excitement in his eyes. So now he became excited?

"Jonas managed to convince the Kelownans to let the SGC borrow some of the artifacts from their antiquities collection."

She couldn't help but grin in return, despite some lingering feelings of resentment. Did Daniel know how much he sounded like his former self? Or was it just instinctual? Was he just trying to make a point? How could he seem completely disinterested one minute and completely animated the next?

Janet had warned them he might have some shifts in personality as he attempted to sort through his feelings and memories.

Sam just wished she didn't have to keep dwelling on these thoughts.

"And?"

"And?" he asked, appearing hurt. It quickly melted away. "Well, as we know, some of the most spectacular finds have been on Kelowna. Weren't you amazed what you found in that warehouse?"

She wanted to point out that she hadn't really been concentrating on the artifacts at the time…and she wasn't the biggest fan of Kelowna, not with all that happened.

But she smiled despite her feelings, not willing to ruin the moment for Daniel. "Well, if that's that case, then I can see why you would be excited."

He nodded. "And after I am done with some of the initial translations, I bet I'll find some useful text on that naquadria you're so interested in."

She perked up at that remark. That was definitely of interest.

He was smiling. The brat. He had baited her and he knew it.

Had Daniel always been that conniving?

"Okay, you win." She held up her hands in defeat. "I'm interested."

"Good," he said, pursing his lips together.

And yet, he still didn't move.

Okay, Sam thought, so this was a little awkward. She'd been dying for a chance like this: to sit down with him and chat, as they had done in the past. Now that she had the opportunity, she couldn't seem to find the right words to say. Was she resentful that he had never come to visit her when he had Ascended? Was she just nervous that she would say the wrong thing? Was she afraid to get too close just to have him leave again?

Damn, she hated when things became personal.

"Sam?"

She shook her head, snapping herself from her thoughts. How long had she been staring off into space like that?

"You look tired," Daniel told her. "Why don't you go home and get some sleep?"

"Sorry about that," she said. She rubbed her face. Maybe he was right. It was late. "I guess we could all use some rest. Why don't you go ho—"

Sam froze, cursing to herself as she realized what she had started. "Sorry," she whispered.

"It's okay," he said. "I'll find an apartment sooner or later."

_Dammit Sam_, she thought, scowling. _Stop mucking things up._

"You know, on second thought, I'm really not that tired," she lied, arching her back. She purposefully ignored the challenging look on Daniel's face. "This will be a nice break before I get back to work. Coffee?" she asked.

"You lie just as well as I do. It's fine, Sam. You need the rest."

She smiled and slipped out of her chair. "I'll get you some coffee."

"Sam…"

She refused to face him, instead walking quickly over to the corner of her lab. She had some coffee left in the pot from earlier. It wasn't fresh, but it would do. Daniel never really complained when it came to his coffee, as long as he got some.

She poured herself a cup, and presented another to Daniel. He accepted it without complaint.

"Daniel," she started, staring at him from across her lab table

I'm really bad at this, she wanted to say. And since I can't read your mind, did you want to share with me what is wrong?

Sam frowned. No, that wasn't any good.

Neither was this coffee.

She gagged, taking one last swallow, before placing the coffee cup to her side. When she looked upward, she had to stifle the urge to laugh, noting Daniel make the same face she had. Gracefully, or not so gracefully, he placed the cup down. Was he trying to hide it behind her computer monitor?

"What? Don't like the way I make coffee?" she joked.

"Not one of your stronger suits," Daniel informed her, his face still showing his disgust. Then he perked up, as if a brilliant idea came to him. "But, you could make it up with some chocolate walnut cookies…"

She nearly jumped out of her seat. "Wow, what else do you remember?" she blurted out suddenly.

Daniel blinked, as if caught off guard by her question. Surprised, he rubbed his head, his face wrinkled with the slightest hint of thought.

Realization dawned on Samantha. "You don't realize what you say or do half the time, do you?"

There was a moment of hesitation, but finally he shook his head. "No."

Damn, she swore to herself. How was that even possible? How could he present himself in such a way that was so familiar to them without even being aware of it?

"Even though you don't realize some of your actions, your subconscious must be bringing this into your conscious self, Daniel. Your reports, our reports, don't bring the subtleties to the surface. The way you act and behave is coming from somewhere."

"Actually, that is one of the reasons why I came here tonight," he admitted nervously. Shifting uneasily in his seat, his eyes roaming around the room, he appeared to be looking for any sort of distraction.

"Your memory?" she asked.

Daniel nodded. "I remember that you usually keep late nights. Or used to." He smiled softly. "I saw your light on so…"

"You remembered that on your own?"

He nodded, and then shook his head. "Well, I admit I had a little help deducing that fact from our reports, but that's neither here nor there."

"Of course not," she agreed despite feeling disappointed. She kept hoping his full memory would return, but what if it didn't? Should he have read all the reports? Were they just making matters worse? "Have you come up with some theory regarding your memory loss?"

"Uh," he started, appearing taken aback. "Theory? No, no theory…"

"You know," she said, coming to stand beside Daniel, "I've been giving your condition some thought."

"You have?"

She nodded, motioning with her hands as she continued. "There has to be a reason for everything that is happening to you, right?"

He stared at her. "I would hope so."

"So, basically it comes down to two possibilities. Two distinct possibilities, anyway. One, either Oma Desala erased—I mean, repressed--your memories as a way to appease the Others while still protecting you, or two, you could have done this to yourself for some reason."

He appeared uncomfortable. "Sam, I can't even remember who Oma Desala or the Others are. I don't know what their rules are or which ones I could have broken. I don't even remember breaking any rules. I don't remember any of it." He shook his head with frustration. "I don't see why I would do something like this to myself. And if Oma Desala was a friend, then why would she do this to me?"

"Well, that's my point, Daniel. Orlin, a…friend of mine was also Ascended."

"I read your report."

"Good, so you know that he also spoke of the Others and how they had specific rules and instructions. I believe that the punishment is dependent on the transgression. Orlin suffered certain consequences for his actions and maybe you are as well."

His frustration turned to horror. Damn, she hadn't phrased that well.

"What could I have possibly done that was so wrong?"

"No, I didn't mean it that way, Daniel. What you tried to do was save and protect the people of Abydos." She decided to not go any further with that topic. She wasn't sure what he exactly knew about the Abydonians fate and she certainly wasn't going to take the credit for informing him. "There is nothing wrong about that," she said. "The Others happened to have strict policies on involvement. I don't believe you broke any rule except that one. To my knowledge anyway."

"Sounds unreasonable," he mumbled.

She sighed. She wasn't going to disagree with him. Though, if Daniel was in his right mind, she was sure he would argue in their favor.

"But we also know that the Ascended can also choose to retake human form if they wish to do so. Orlin did."

"He had his memory, though," Daniel said bitterly.

She winced. "Yes, I know."

"So, then we're back to square one."

"Well, not necessarily. If we can dissect, and recreate what happ—"

Daniel shook his head, folding his hands. He appeared more distressed now than when they first began. "Sam…"

"No, wait. Here me out, Daniel," she continued, holding up her hand to stop him. "Once you have a better understanding of you memories—Well, here's a thought. Maybe if you start cataloguing what memories have returned, and when and how they came to you, we can start to map out a pattern or hone in on the cause. Then, we take that information, compare it to your journals and reports, and we may be able to use that as a guide—"

"Sam, uh, Sam?"

She stopped, waving her hand signaling she wanted to continue before she lost her train of thought.

"Sam, I-uh…I'd rather not talk about it right now."

Surprised, Sam lowered her hand and stared at him. He had to be kidding.

"You just said you came to talk about your memory. If you didn't come here to talk about viable theories, then what did you come for?" she asked him, trying to keep the impatience out of her voice.

"Well, I, uh—" His face was grim, as if he were afraid to continue.

The sight made her uncomfortable. Nice one, Sam, she told herself. Now he won't talk.

Sighing, Sam walked back to the opposite side of the table and stared at her disgusting cup of coffee. "I'm sorry, Daniel. I just—"

"Oh, no, no. No," he stuttered, waving his hands around nonchalantly. "I know you're trying to help. You don't have to apologize. It's just—" His face became pensive, as if he were on the brink of some great revelation. "Do you know how strange it is to wake up one morning and suddenly know German?" He paused, and shook his head. "I guess you wouldn't."

"I wish I could relate, Daniel. I really do. But I've heard you speak German before. Many different languages for that matter. I was amazed simply by the fact you could read, understand, and speak so many different languages." She shrugged. "I know that doesn't really help you."

"Yeah, I know. Well, I don't know. I think I know?"

Sam cringed, hearing the uncertainty in his voice. "Do you have any real grasp on your past?" she asked, starting to slip back into science mode, a place where she felt far more comfortable.

He sighed, rubbing his forehead with his index finger. "I've read the reports and my journals. Everything seems so real, like that could have been me. But at the same time, it's all so distant, like a dream. Does that make sense? That doesn't make sense…"

Sam tensed, sending him a sympathetic gaze. She would love to say she understood.

He continued, as if he had not even noticed her hesitation.

"It's there, but…"

"What do you remember? Specifically," she clarified.

He shook his head, sending another wave of disappointment through her. "It's all very vague, Sam. Nothing permanent, nothing tangible." Then, for a moment, his face became hopeful. "I do remember Jonas."

"Jonas."

Great, out of all the people he decides to remember, it was Jonas. Not that she had a problem with Jonas. Just after all their history together, Daniel has to remember a person from the planet that caused his death? How fair was that?

"Yes," he said nodding. "Jonas. I remember working and talking with him on Kelowna."

Feigning satisfaction, she offered him a fake smile of her own. "That's great. At least it's a start." She paused, struggling to find words to continue, to give her some sense of peace. "I mean, you must remember more. The human brain is enormous and is incredibly complex. Other memories must be filed in your subconscious somewhere. You just…" She allowed her voice to trail off when she noticed Daniel was staring at her dumbly. "Anything else?" she asked hopefully.

He shook his head again. "Like I said, everything is so vague. It feels like I am in a dream, experiencing someone else's life." He grumbled, his gaze settling on the floor. "I don't know. I sound crazy."

"No, no…" She stood, maneuvering around the table to place a hand on his back. Relieved that this time he didn't brush her off, she rubbed it soothingly. "In a way, Daniel, I think I can relate. In an indirect way."

"What do you mean?" he asked quizzically.

She swallowed hard. "When I was blended with Jolinar, I gained access to many of her thoughts and feelings. They were just fragments, I know, but it didn't make things any easier. Often, I felt like I was in a dream, and I couldn't determine when I was me, or when I was feeling what she once felt."

"That must have been frustrating," he admitted.

She nodded, continuing her ministrations. "It was. But I eventually managed to get through it." She leaned forward to enable herself to catch a glimpse at his face. "This is why I know you'll make it through this. You're much stronger than you give yourself credit for."

He nodded solemnly.

"You're just going to have to believe me. This is you," she said. "What you read in those reports and in your journals...that is you."

"Only a certain aspect."

Confused, she moved away from him. "I'm sorry?"

He looked down at his hands before lifting his head to face her. God, the pain in his eyes…

"Written words can tell you a great deal about a person, a culture, a society. I've studied the written word for most of my life." He sounded like he was choking. "But experience, memory, thoughts and feelings…they can't all be captured by words alone. How can I be myself if all the experiences that mapped out who I am are lost to me?"

Sam opened her mouth to reply, but found she had nothing with which to counter. Her mind tumbled back to her childhood, and all the events in her life that had shaped her.

Would she have become the same person if her mother had not died in that fatal car accident? She doubted she would. Her father, and her desire to please her father, had compelled her to join the Air Force, and had led her down a track as unique as the experiences that had shaped her life as a child. How would she react if suddenly everything that made her who she is wasgone?

She ignored the lump in her throat. God, what was Daniel going through?

"I-I never thought about it that way before," she admitted weakly. "I'm sorry."

"No. No, Sam." He sighed, bringing himself to his feet. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to come down here and…" His voice trailed off.

Daniel had always been a private person. Sharing himself, well, that had always been difficult for him. She wasn't about to drive him away now, no matter how difficult it was for her.

"Daniel, I-Daniel?"

Holding his hands to his head, Daniel winced and leaned over her workstation. Concerned, Sam moved around to meet his gaze, disturbed to see the pain in his eyes.

"Daniel?"

"Headache."

She shot a glance to the phone in her lab before bringing her gaze back to her friend. "Should I call Janet?"

"No," he said, the pain laced in his voice. "It's just a headache."

"Must be some headache," she retorted, displeased. "Let's get you to the infirmary."

"No!" He hesitated. "No. I'm used to them by now."

She stood there, shocked. "Used to them? You've been having them since you came back?"

He looked up at her, shrugging slightly. "Only a few. And they're not so bad."

"Daniel, you look like you're going to pass out on my desk."

"They aren't usually this bad."

"Okay, that's it," Sam announced, walking over to her phone. "I'm calling Janet."

"Please, Sam?" She paused, turning to see his pleading expression. "I don't want to spend any more time in the infirmary."

Samantha tapped the phone. This went against her better judgment. He needed to be examined, she told herself. Sure, Daniel had always been subject to headaches. Residual pain was a common side effect of Gate travel. But something told her this was much, much different.

"Aspirin at least?"

He nodded.

With a defeated sigh, Sam rummaged through one of the drawers in her desk. How had she accumulated so much junk? Was that a spare power converter? She grabbed the device and placed it on the table. A fish hook? Sam glowered, staring at it. What was the Colonel doing in her desk? Angry, she slammed it on the table.

"Sam…I'm okay, really."

She ignored him, her fingers speedily running through the items in the drawer. Chocolate bar. She tossed that on the desk. Notepad. Threw it aside. Lipstick. Pocketed the tube. Aspirin.

Smiling, she held up the bottle of pills.

A slight frown tugged at her lips. "Daniel?"

He was staring at her desk. No, the chocolate bar. He was actually ogling the candy. Intensely.

"Okay, here's the deal. I will give you half my chocolate on the condition that you take some aspirin," she negotiated, shaking the bottle.

The rattling brought Daniel out of his daze. "Just half?"

"Hey," she said, feigning irritation. "It is my chocolate bar."

He smiled.

Sam unwrapped the candy bar, breaking it in half as Daniel finished taking the medication. He appeared eager, maybe even excited, as she handed him his portion.

"Have you had any chocolate since your return?" she asked him.

He stared at the candy in his hand. "No, first time. Actually, I hadn't even thought about it until I saw it on your desk."

She wasn't sure whether to be happy or worried. Daniel not having the urge for candy? Then again, he instantly remembered the moment he saw the snack. That was comforting.

"Well, then I think this is going to be the best chocolate you have ever had in your life," she said, a devilish grin forming on her lips. She took a bite of her portion, and smiled with satisfaction.

He grinned in return, bringing the bar to his lips. His eyes closed, and he moaned slightly, ecstasy melting his features as he chewed.

Sam couldn't help but giggle. See? This is why she didn't need a man. She had chocolate.

"Hey," Sam joked, watching Daniel savor the chocolate bar. "I am feeling a little used here."

He gasped, his eyes snapping open.

The reaction caused her to jerk. "It-it was just a joke," she stammered.

"Bonniwae."

She blinked at him. What had he just said?

"Bonniwae? Daniel? What are you saying?"

"I have no idea."

Sam stared at him flabbergasted. He was staring, a peculiar glassiness in his eyes. "Daniel?" She waved her hand in front of his face, eliciting no response. "Daniel? Can you hear me?"

"Now, don't say ka until you've tried it."

Oh boy.

Sam rushed to the phone, dialing the infirmary quickly. As the line rang, she watched Daniel carefully, not missing the growing haze in his eyes.

"This is Major Carter. Get a medical team down to my lab, stat."

* * *

"He's not responding to any stimuli," Sam stated, pacing in front of Daniel.

Janet flashed a penlight into the linguist's eyes and shook her head. "He's withdrawn." She turned to Sam. "What happened? Any signs, symptoms, before this happened?"

Sam shook her head. "No, we were just talking. And then," she gestured to her motionless companion, "he started saying phrases that have no meaning to me."

"Well, he appears to be—"

"So?" Daniel stated suddenly, his eyes still locked onto some unseen object.

"Daniel?" Janet began, rubbing his arm. "Daniel, can you hear me?"

"Right err...toss the symbiote head!" he said, motioning forward with his arms, almost as if they were bound. "That's very, very popular. Very interesting. Yes, all the kids are doing this."

Janet gawked at him, quickly closing her mouth as she turned to Sam for assistance. Sam shrugged and shook her head, her wide blue eyes telling all. "I don't know, Janet. It's like he's some place else."

Sam stopped pacing, taken aback as a soft smile brushed his lips. "That's funny, I err...met my father-in-law like this."

"Is he talking to us—" Sam started, but quickly broke off, noting his facial expression change once again. "Nevermind."

"My guess is that he's experiencing some kind of flashback," Janet said evenly, rising from her crouched position. She motioned with a nod of her head to one of the nurses to bring her additional equipment. "It's not totally uncommon, especially for someone suffering memory loss." She paused, lightly examining Daniel's face. "Did you do or say anything that could have triggered a memory?"

Sam shrugged. She was at a loss. "It could be anything, Janet. We were talking about his memories. He was looking at my books and items I keep here in my lab." She pointed at her desk. "We even had some coffee, candy, and I gave him aspirin for his headache."

"Headache?"

"Severe headaches. I thought you'd like to know."

Janet nodded. "Thank you, Sam."

"Hey, what's going on?"

Sam jumped, surprised as Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c entered the room. "Sir?"

"Major?"

"Just surprised to see you on base, Sir." She glanced at her watch. "You do know what time it is?"

"I'm not senile yet, Carter," he said dryly. His attention focused onto Daniel. "What's happening?"

"It appears Daniel may be experiencing a flashback," Janet informed him, staying close to her patient's side.

"Would this 'flashback' be similar to the experiences I had while passing through Rite of Malsuraan?" Teal'c asked.

"From what you told me," Janet said, considering his words, "Yes, I believe you can compare it to your experiences."

"What's the flashback?" O'Neill asked, motioning with his hand to Daniel's stiff form.

"We don't know, Sir. So far, we can't make sense of what he is saying," Sam said.

"Do you think these things need to be fed?" Daniel asked suddenly.

"Okay…" The colonel stated, shoving his hands into his pocket. "That's different."

"Perhaps DanielJackson is referring to his fish."

O'Neill stopped and stared at Teal'c.

"No, I don't think so, Teal'c," Sam said, shaking her head. Frowning, she studied Daniel, feeling as if the answer was right in front of her.

"Carter, you understand what he's saying?" O'Neill asked.

"No, Sir, I—"

"What the hell do we do now?" Daniel asked, a hint of fear edging into his voice.

The colonel stared at him. "My sentiments exactly."

Sam shook her head, but felt that Daniel's words were familiar. Like he was speaking of an event that may have shared in their past.

God, she thought. So many conversations. She couldn't remember them all.

"He's inviting us to go with them."

Sam frowned, shaking her head. This was useless.

"Now, there's something that sounds vaguely familiar," O'Neill said softly, his own forehead pressed with a myriad of wrinkles.

"Sir?" Sam frowned and moved to stand beside Janet.

"Abydos," O'Neill said, his gaze remaining on Daniel. "Hey," he said, shaking his friend lightly. "We're not on Abydos."

"Because…" Daniel made a sweeping motion with his hands. "He's inviting us to go with them."

"Do you know what he's talking about, Colonel?" Janet asked, puzzled.

"Yeah. Abydos. Our first mission." The colonel stared for a moment before he shook his head and continued. "Can't forget that. Kalwalsky and me, we were dumbfounded that Daniel made first contact with a candy bar. Won Kasuf over instantly with chocolate. Then we got invited to their little tribal place or whatever you call it. Daniel's linguistic skills hard at work," he recalled with a smirk.

Sam's mouth dropped open as she stared at the candy bar still clasped in Daniel's hands.

"Janet, that's the first time he's had chocolate since he came back to us."

Janet nodded, her face perking with the knowledge. "That's the trigger I was looking for."

O'Neill frowned. "Trigger?"

"Well, that was insane," Daniel said.

"That's what I was gonna say." O'Neill turned from Daniel, to Janet, then to Daniel. "Are you sure he isn't just psychic?"

Sam stepped back, allowing Janet access to the chart she had placed on her lab desk. She took the opportunity to notice that Daniel was fumbling with his fingers, his wrists barely moving. Then he held up his chocolate bar and brought it to his lips.

"Mmmnnnn," he moaned, chewing slowly before bringing it down.

"Now, he didn't do that on Abydos," O'Neill commented.

"It's possible he's experiencing multiple flashbacks, Colonel," Janet stated, checking over her chart. "With the chocolate bar as his trigger…"

"Great!" the colonel exclaimed, clapping his hands together. "So give him more chocolate and let's get those memories out of his system so we can get him back to normal."

"Uh, Sir…" Sam said, shaking her head.

"Colonel, it won't be that easy." Janet placed the medical chart down, gazing at him sympathetically. "As I was saying, with the chocolate bar as a trigger, this could lead to several different instances when he was eating chocolate, or something similar to chocolate, and has an associated memory." She paused and rubbed his hand. "This isn't a cure all, Sir."

"Janet, is it possible then that other events, or phrases, or items could trigger even more memories?"

She nodded, facing Sam. "I would expect it. In fact, as more memories break from his subconscious and reach his conscious state, I would anticipate more triggers and more flashbacks."

Sam sucked in a deep breath. Wow. There was a real chance Daniel could gain his full memory. Barely hiding her excitement, she gazed at the colonel.

O'Neill's face remained expressionless. "So, Doc, you're telling us this could happen at any time…"

"So, they'll never know what hit them?" Daniel asked, again munching on the candy bar.

Janet eyed Daniel closely before she continued. "Yes. I would suggest that a close eye be kept on Daniel over the next few days. I think it would be in his best interest to have someone watching him in the event he recalls something…" She exhaled, catching each person's gaze. "Tragic."

Sam nodded, running her hands down her pants. Tragic. Daniel didn't need to relieve the worst moments of his past. It just wasn't fair.

"Will these flashbacks impair DanielJackson?" Teal'c questioned, a frown tugging at the corners of his mouth.

"Meaning…" Janet asked, pensive.

"When they're over, if they ever end, is he gonna be alright? Is he gonna be Daniel when it's all done?" the colonel asked, voicing everyone's silent question.

Janet's face became apprehensive. "To be honest, Sir, I don't know. These flashbacks could help Daniel regain his memories and his full personality. They might not. And they may even affect him adversely." She paused, stealing a glance at Sam. "I don't know what methods Oma Desala or the Others might have used to repress Daniel's memories. I can't guarantee a particular outcome."

"But we're pretty sure they're just 'repressed,' right?" O'Neil asked cautiously.

Sam stared at him wide eyed. "I think it's pretty obvious after what we've just witnessed."

She refused to think anything else.

"Pretty obvious?" the colonel asked. "Carter, he's staring at a wall."

"Yes, I know, Sir, but he's pulling up actual events from his past. You said so yourself. That proves that his memories are there, at least in some form, hidden somewhere in his subconscious."

"Sam is right, Sir," Janet said. "Daniel's flashbacks indicate that something does linger beneath the surface. How much is there is left to be seen."

"DanielJackson has progressed far during his time here," Teal'c added. "I am confident that he will remember his time at the SGC once again."

"Well, I'm not convinced," O'Neill muttered, staring at Daniel.

"Look, Colonel," Janet interrupted, causing the room to silence. "No one said this was going to be easy. And Daniel can't be expected to remember everything overnight." She smiled warmly at him. "It's late and we're all tired. I'm going to be taking Daniel down to the infirmary so he can rest. I suggest you do the same."

Janet beckoned a couple of nurses to her side, and the three of them helped the still dazed linguist to his feet. Guiding him slowly, they brought him to the door and headed towards the elevator.

Sam watched them go, feeling both relieved and guilty. While they might actually now have some real hope that Daniel would regain his memories, she also felt hollow knowing the worst could yet come. She just hoped despite whatever happened, Daniel came back to them.

"Not your fault, Carter," O'Neill said, casting her a sideways glance.

"Indeed," Teal'c affirmed. "You may have discovered the means with which to communicate with DanielJackson."

She nodded, but still felt the guilt welling inside of her.

"I hope he's coming back to us," she whispered at last.

To this, neither one of them replied. Sam knew the same doubts lingered in the minds of her teammates, each waiting on edge while Daniel continued to be just a shell of his former self. They had all thought his memory would have returned by now, but instead they only had the illusion of their fallen comrade.

Daniel was right. How could he possibly be himself if he couldn't understand what shaped him to begin with?

"The Doc's right, Carter," O'Neill said softly, drawing her from her thoughts. "We're all pretty worn out. You should get some rest." He jiggled the keys hidden in his pocket. "Ride home?"

She shook her head. "No, Sir. I just want to clean up a little here and then I'll head out."

He flashed her a knowing smile. "Sure you will…"

"Not leaving yourself, are you, Sir?" she asked, smiling as well.

O'Neill shrugged, but the grin remained. "Actually, I believe Teal'c and I are heading to the infirmary." He glanced up at Teal'c.

"That is correct, O'Neill."

"That's what I thought." The colonel motioned to the door. "Care to join us?"

She grinned again, nodding. She shut down the lights in her lab, quickly running to catch up to her commanding officer and the Jaffa warrior.

"Oh, and Sir, about the fish hook I found in my desk…"

* * *

Sam entered the infirmary, juggling a bouquet of flowers and a bag of chocolate walnut cookies while joining Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c as they stood in silent vigil by Daniel's bedside. Sighing, she pushed her way to the table next to Daniel's bed.

"The two of you could help me."

"You're doing a fine job," O'Neill said with a grin, patting her shoulder.

She snickered, but hushed as she gazed at Daniel's still form. "Asleep?"

"Doctor Fraiser provided him with a sedative," Teal'c informed her.

Frowning, she placed the flowers onto the table. "Why?" she asked.

"He became most unpleasant upon realizing he was entering the infirmary, Major Carter."

So, he had broken from his stupor before he reached the infirmary. Sneaky.

She couldn't help but laugh. "Glad I missed it."

"Oh yeah. Teal'c and I had to restrain him. Oodles of fun." The colonel motioned over to the flowers. "Back already? Where did you find a place that would whip up a bouquet at five am?"

She grinned. "I have some connections."

"What?"

Upon hearing Daniel's shaky voice, Sam became serious and moved to his side. Groaning, Daniel opened his eyes, his blurred gaze shifting from person to person.

"Hi, Daniel, how are you feeling?" Sam asked, taking his hand.

"Groggy," he said quietly.

"That's what happens when you try and kick me," O'Neill said, waving a finger.

"Jack…" He sighed, pinching his nose with his fingers. "All I wanted was to go to my office."

"There's a time and place," Jack reminded him.

"Yeah. Ow."

"Problem?"

Daniel licked his lips. "I still have a headache."

"I can get you some more aspirin," Sam offered, pointing to the door.

He shook his head. "Slavic," he stated.

"Slavic? What the hell's that mean?" Jack asked, eyeing Daniel curiously.

He cleared his throat and squinted. "I said it's Slavic. Your-your--" Daniel reached up his hands and held up an invisible sphere, motioning to Sam. "You know, your globe. The writing is Slavic. In fact, it's not from the Attic family at all."

Sam stared at him. "This just came to you?"

Daniel shrugged. "No, I actually knew it before but I wanted to be sure before I said anything. The script is definitely Slavic, but I couldn't figure out what specific language served as its root. I'm pretty sure—No, I'm sure it's a variation of Ukrainian." He cleared his throat again. "If you want, bring it by my office and I'll start working on a translation against my texts."

"Wow, yeah that would be great," Sam said with a grin, excited at the prospect of a new discovery. "Oh, and speaking of your office." Sam held up a small brown bag, "I have some cookies for you for when you need a snack while you work."

Daniel's face lit up and he reached forward, as if he had never been sedated, grasping for the bag. The colonel swiftly seized the bag himself.

"Jack!"

"Haven't you had enough chocolate tonight?" O'Neill licked his lips as he opened the bag and stared into it. He frowned and glared at Carter. "How come you never bring me cookies?"

Sam snatched the bag away from him. "Because you complain too much."

"Indeed."

O'Neill glared at Teal'c. "Hey, whose side are you on, anyway?"

She handed the bag to Daniel. "You can have a couple tonight, but I brought them so you could have something to eat tom—Daniel?"

"Geez, ever heard of swallowing?" O'Neill asked.

Daniel ignored the colonel's comments as he continued the shovel cookie after cookie into his mouth. Finally, Samantha could take no more and relieved Daniel of his treasure.

"Sham?" Daniel called, crumbs tumbling from his mouth.

"The rest is for tomorrow," she said firmly, sticking them into the first draw of his night side table.

"Buh, tehnically it ish tomohow," Daniel informed her as he chewed.

"Nice try," she said with a smirk.

"Okay, as much as I am sure you would love to stay and continue to loiter in my infirmary, I need to have you clear out," Janet instructed them as she approached the bed. "I'd like to take a look at Daniel before I can release him."

"Ah, trying to make room for SG-12?"

Janet snickered at the Colonel. "They're due back today and they're record is nearly as bad as yours."

"And since I'm not really sick…"

"Not so fast, Daniel." Janet raised her eyebrows at her patient. "There are a few things I need to go over with you about what happened tonight."

He groaned.

"You sound more like Daniel each day," O'Neill mentioned with a grin, his gaze slowly falling to the nightstand.

"Ah! Get your own cookies," Daniel warned.

"Damn." He motioned to Teal'c and Sam. "Let's go before the Doc brings out the heavy artillery."

Sam smiled at Daniel, and nodded to her commanding officer, moving over to join him as they reached the exit.

"Sam?"

She paused, turning her head around to find Daniel's gaze locked onto her.

"Can I have a minute with Sam?" Daniel was talking to Janet now. "It'll be quick."

Janet nodded, leaving the bedside. She squeezed Sam's arm as she passed by, and the left the two alone.

"What's the matter, Daniel?"

"Oh, nothing. Just—"

Sam stiffened, watching as Daniel's eyes glassed over, his unfocused gaze staring through the bouquet of flowers she had placed on the small stand.

"Daniel?" she whispered. "Daniel?"

Sam turned back toward the door, snapping her fingers at a nurse who had just entered. "Go get Doctor Fraiser," she ordered.

"Hey Sam, how's it going tonight?"

Sam gasped, jerking her head back to where Daniel was lying.

The flowers…this was a memory she could recall.

Instantly, she thought back to a moment from several years ago, as she lay depressed in the infirmary. Jolinar had died saving her, leaving her confused, frightened, and alone. Her friends had done every thing to help her and to comfort her. She could never forget Daniel's sweet gesture on that day as he silently placed a bouquet of flowers beside her bed.

Daniel has asked her how she was, but she had brushed him off, and thrown his concern to the wind. God, she wished she had acted differently then.

Smiling softly, she took his hand, stroking it tenderly with her thumb. "Things are going well," she replied.

He blinked a few times, his vision clearing as he gazed up at her. "Good."

Squeezing his hand, she cocked her head. "Do you remember what happened tonight?"

He nodded. "It's confusing though. Like flipping TV channels."

Interesting metaphor.

"Confusing but…good. It's something at least." She thought she saw his eyes glisten. "It means something is there."

Something, she thought. Hopefully, there would be far more memories locked inside of him. Sighing, she glanced over at the flowers before returning her attention to him.

"I never…I never really thanked you for being there for me, all those times," she said quietly, an ache building within as she realized he may never remember them.

"I'm sure I understood."

"Yeah." She cleared her throat, willing it to stay firm.

"Sam." Daniel shifted slightly in the bed, allowing himself a better view. "I didn't come by tonight just because I couldn't find my office. I could have asked anyone."

She nodded. "I know."

"I came by to ask why we were such good friends."

A slight tremble started to overcome her body, but she fought for control. Swallowing hard, she attempted a smile, knowing she was failing miserably. His statement had knocked nearly all the hope she had, leaving her with an uncontrollable sadness.

He had to ask why they were close. He had to ask.

Fighting back tears, she opened her mouth to speak, but he shook his head.

"No, Sam," he said softly, deliberately looking at the flowers on the table. "You don't have to say anything."

Frowning, she blinked at him.

He squeezed her hand, a small smile passing over his lips. "You don't have to explain. I know. I remember."

She inhaled sharply, almost knocking down the floodgates to allow the tears to run. Instead, she steadied herself, and rose to her feet, leaning over to plant a soft kiss on his forehead.

"What was that for?" he asked.

She smiled, wiping at the corners of her eyes. "For giving me hope."

He smiled in return.

Fidgeting nervously, she straightened herself, stepping aside as Janet rushed into the room. Sam smiled at him. "And let me tell you, mister, if you keep that up, I see a lot more cookies in your future."

"Really?" He frowned, his forehead furrowed in thought. "Wow, it's all coming back to me…"

"Nice try."

"Is there a problem?" Janet asked breathlessly as she took Daniel's arm, checking his vitals.

Sam grinned, her face shining brightly as she gazed at Janet and then Daniel. There was something more in his face now, something deeper, something familiar and comforting.

"No, Janet. Everything is fine. Everything is going to be just fine."


	6. Part Six: Cry for a Shadow: Jack

Title: Cry for a Shadow

Author: Moonshayde

Season/Category: Short that takes place between "Homecoming" and "Fragile Balance." Part Six of the Broken Dreams; Shattered Memories series.

Season 7

Spoilers: Meridian, Fallen/Homecoming/ References to Legacy, Need, The Light, Abyss, Full Circle

Pairing/Character: Jack/Daniel (friendship)

Summary: As the memories begin to overwhelm Daniel, Jack is there to support his friend and to try to correct his own mistakes of the past.

Rating: PG

_Disclaimer: Stargate, Stargate SG-1 and all of its characters, titles, names, and back-story are the property of MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, Gekko Productions, SciFi Channel, and Showtime/Viacom. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author. This story cannot be printed anywhere without the sole permission of the author. Realize this is for entertainment purposes only; no financial gain or profit has been gained from this fiction. This story is not meant to be an infringement on the rights of the above-mentioned establishments_

* * *

Look, Daniel, I know things have been, well, a little off lately. I'm not too sure what to say about it or anything. Damn, I am terrible at this sort of thing. But I think you know what I mean. It's about us, all of us. You know, me, you, Teal'c and Carter. We haven't been seeing much of you lately. I'm thinking—I know it's partly my fault. Our arguments and such. I didn't mean—Hell, I don't mean to be so condescending. I don't know what's wrong lately. I guess what I am trying to say—Did you want to grab a beer and catch a game? 

The delivery could have been better. Maybe I should have hired a speechwriter. But the thought's all that counts, right? Plus, I knew it would sell. I can be oh so smooth.

That's what I had planned to say, anyway. Right after that last mission. I had rehearsed. I had stood in front of the mirror for an hour, looking like an idiot, practicing being all soft and sentimental so I could get through it. But what had happened when the time came? Those words had gotten stuck like honey in my throat. I just couldn't talk.

I had stared and he had walked away, mumbling something under his breath. Okay, I had decided, I would try again tomorrow. Or maybe the next day. There was always next week…

Too late.

Why didn't I say it?

Damn, the guy was lying on his deathbed. Daniel, why'd you have to try to play the hero? Even while he was falling apart, I could barely speak. All I had been able to mutter…I had grown to admire him? That's it? I should have said that years ago. What I should have said, right then and right there, was that I had grown beyond admiring him. Hell, I had admired him by the end of our first mission. Though, I had never wanted to admit it. Feelings and things…just aren't me. But I try and recognize it in my own way. He'd helped keep me sane.

The guy took a staff blast for me. What could I say? How do you thank a guy? Pat him on the back and yell, hey, nice job?

That big head of his had helped us out of so many jams. Yeah, so the linguist had a funny way of getting himself into trouble. So did I. Carter for that matter. Teal'c **is** trouble. Thing is, with Daniel, is that he'd almost always be able to come out with the enemy being his best friend. Guy sure had a way with words.

I might have not liked him at first, and even he would have to admit he can be annoying, but that doesn't outweigh what he's capable of doing. He made the Stargate program happen. He taught people the value of life, even when we all turned our heads and stuck our fingers in our ears. He wasn't afraid to speak his mind, to tell off a senator or a major general. Or a stubborn wise-ass of a colonel.

Above all, he'd turned into my friend. Somewhere along the line, and I'm not sure when it happened. Maybe it was that first mission to Abydos. Or maybe it was that year of retirement that I spent alone, my child gone, my wife gone, as I stared into space wondering what was going on up there. He must have been happy, I had often thought, as I toyed with my telescope. Was it when I was sent to retrieve him? Or sometime later? I don't know. It doesn't change anything.

Daniel died and I just didn't do enough to stop it. He'd asked for it. Asked for it!

He wanted to die. Why? I know why. I should have seen it coming. You send a civilian out in the field, exposing him to years of battles and stress. He'd lost his wife, his ex-girl, his innocence. All he'd gotten back in return was fatigue and a sense of jadedness.

I still don't like to think about it, especially since I know the truth runs much deeper.

I'd lost my best bud and got a part-time glowworm instead. Oh, he seemed happy, sure, but I couldn't give him that pat on the back and tell him nice job.

I'm energy now, he said.

Energy my ass.

I knew Daniel more than I had wanted to admit. I had thought so, anyway. I had kept telling myself he couldn't possibly like being some godlike flashbulb. He likes the action. He liked the learning more than the action, but Daniel hated not getting involved. Nope, he had that overwhelming sense of morality and there was no stopping him once he got going.

And it got him. Got him good. He was annoyed when I started to confront him about it. Hell, I was annoyed that he took so long to listen to what I'd been telling him. Partly selfish on my part, but I still think I was right. But really, he'd been gone for so long…

He couldn't stay away. The guy had started bending the rules just so he could keep an eye on us. That sense of loyalty…had I really deserved all this? Just to have him sacrifice all over again?

I get so uncomfortable thinking about it. And to think, all those moments, they could be lost forever. I'll never have the opportunity to thank him.

Because he can't remember.

* * *

Jack approached the locker room, hesitating before stepping inside. What was that he heard? 

He poked his head around the corner cautiously, surveying the area quickly. The locker room was pretty much a wasteland around this time. Since it was well after any debriefing or long before any deployment, he'd figured no one would be in sight. Well, except for…

Daniel was standing alone, hunched over a sink, his head bowed, his hands gripping the corners. What was he doing alone? Hadn't Fraiser told them to make sure he had company at all times? Damn, wait a minute. It was his shift.

Cursing at himself, Jack went to make some wise crack when he realized something was wrong with Daniel. He appeared to be shaking, or laughing. Crying?

Immediately, Jack stepped into the locker room, overcome with anxiety. Part of him wanted to rush over and check on his friend, like he had done early on in their relationship. But then there was the other part of him, the part that had grown weary and disillusioned, still too hurt to reach out to the fumbling man.

He decided somewhere in the middle would do.

"Hey," he called, shifting to the left to sneak a peek at Daniel's reflection in the mirror. Damn, he couldn't see it.

"Hello," Daniel answered, sounding distracted.

"Make it a habit of hanging out in the locker room?"

"Not like I have anything better to do," he said sadly.

Nothing better to do? With all the stuff waiting for him in his office? Granted, he was still trying to get adjusted…

"What about--?"

"I've read all the mission reports," Daniel said, interrupting him. He still did not move from his hunched position. "I've read everyone's, including Jonas' reports. I read my journals." He paused. "SG-1 seems to be a rather tight unit."

"More than just a unit," Jack commented, offended by Daniel's lack-luster tone. "Like family."

"Family."

His voice sounded so lost.

"So it's true, then, that SG-1 is a strong unit. They never leave anyone behind."

"_We_ never leave anyone behind, yeah," Jack replied, stepping a little closer. "You know that, right?"

He didn't reply at first, causing Jack more concern. "That's what I have heard and read." He turned his head slightly, as if he was trying to catch a glimpse of Jack. "I still don't remember much, aside from the few flashbacks I've had. Or the feelings and impressions I get. And what I do remember, I'm not sure if it's real or just imagined. Reading the reports have helped, but…it's like I am reading about someone else's life, some other person."

_Not another person. You_, Jack thought, rocking on his heels thoughtfully. Would Daniel ever remember? Or would he only remember some things and become just a shadow of his former self? Jack shuddered at the thought. What were these flashbacks doing to him?

He'd agreed to let Daniel accompany Jonas onto Anubis' ship. Throw him into the action and he'd be sure to remember it, right? What good would it do if they hid him from his memories? Then, at the same time, common sense dictated not to let an amnesiac onto an alien ship. Wouldn't it make sense to allow Daniel to spend time thinking and reading, to recall the memories on his own?

Jack was no shrink. This was just all too messy. He just wanted Daniel back. They all did.

"It'll all come back," Jack said softly, reassuring him. Reassuring himself? "Look at all that you've remembered already. Pretty impressive, right?"

Daniel said nothing, his head sinking lower.

The mission to thwart Anubis had been a success. Daniel and Jonas had returned safely and things appeared to heading back to normal. Daniel had gained a few scattered memories, here and there, which was encouraging, and had stopped calling him Jim, which was more encouraging. He'd even started to have flashbacks that were more vivid. They might be a little disconcerting to experience, but it was significant. Now, hearing the distance in Daniel's voice nearly erased all that hope.

"Sam has been telling me about myself," he said at last. "It seems I used to be a very passionate and vocal person."

"Not used to be. You are."

"Also, I was a pain in the ass."

"You still are."

He heard him chuckle. Good, laughing was good.

"People tell me we were good friends," Daniel said quietly.

"Yeah…" Jack frowned, his instincts flaring a warning at him. He fought back the initial shock and pain of the comment, refusing to acknowledge that things might never be the same. Not were, they are good friends. He wouldn't accept anything less.

Jack stepped closer, cocking his head, still unable to catch a glimpse at his friend's face. "We work well together." He grinned. "You've always been the stable one."

"Stable?" He chuckled again, but this time there was something off about his voice. "Are you just saying that or do you really believe it?"

"Excuse me?" Jack intoned, jerking his head.

He heard a nearly inaudible whimper, and witnessed a shake to his friend's frame. Jack exhaled nervously as he noticed Daniel's knuckles turn white while he clutched the sink.

"Daniel?"

"I remember…I see images of a padded white room. All these orderlies holding me down."

Oh, crap…

"Daniel, for that, there is a perfectly logical explanation." Jack paused. "You were possessed by alien technology."

Another nervous laugh. "You call that logical?"

"What did you expect me to say? That you're really nuts, but hell, we'll keep you on the team anyway? Always good to have a schizo as our contact person." Jack cringed, wishing he could bite his tongue sometimes. "Look, we go through a Stargate and travel to distant planets. This should not seem weird to you."

"I was insane. My grandfather was insane."

"You, no. Your grandfather…maybe." Jack sighed. "The point is that you didn't lose your mind, something influenced you to look and act like you did. You read the report, you should know."

"No one believed me." His voice was hollow.

Shit. Jack rubbed his face, trying to think out his words carefully. This wasn't easy. "If you think that we just dumped you into a cell and left you to fend for yourself…" No, that wasn't any good. "We fought hard to keep you out of there. Carter, Teal'c and I, we all knew you hadn't lost it. There's always an alternative, as someone I know always says, and we were trying to find it. But in the meantime, before the alien bugs did any more harm to you, having you put under protection seemed like the best alternative. I hated it. Immensely," he stressed. "But after you jumped me, it had to be done."

"So I wouldn't hurt you."

"No, so you wouldn't hurt you. If you thought I was a Goa'uld, who knows what the hell you thought you were."

The other man was silent. Jack relaxed a little, taking another cautious step toward Daniel. Though his friend was quiet, he could still see that he was clutching the sink tightly. This wasn't over yet.

"And look at it this way. Even though you were locked up, you still were able to figure out what the hell was happening. That is leaps and bounds over what I did."

"What did you do?" Daniel asked curiously.

"Sang to myself while I hit my head and rocked on the floor. Don't expect the album to be out in stores anytime soon."

Daniel chuckled.

Ah, now that was more like it.

"That's noble of you, Jack."

He frowned. "What? That I haven't made an album?"

Daniel was quiet.

"What? You're still not convinced?"

"I nearly committed suicide," he said, his voice barely audible.

Jack froze, his mind desperately trying to keep up with the linguist. Which memory was this now? Though, he had a sneaking suspicion.

"When?" Jack asked cautiously.

"I can see a balcony and—"

"Okay," Jack interrupted, flinging out his arms. "That's more alien tech again. Ah-ah! Before you even try and finish that thought, listen. We were all under the influence of that damn light so don't say a word. It wasn't your fault. No, you couldn't see it coming. And no, you couldn't have done anything to stop it."

Daniel was silent again, though his knuckles were no longer white. Jack watched him carefully, noting his fingers had begun to drum the sides of the sink. What, was he actually trying to prove himself worthless or something?

"How about the sarcophagus?"

"How 'bout it?" Jack asked in reply, annoyance entering his voice. "Or have you not been paying attention to the theme of this conversation?"

"What?"

"What is the sarcophagus?" Jack asked, irritated.

"It's a Goa'uld device for—"

"Device, right. And what are the Goa'uld?"

"Jack…"

"Humor me, Daniel."

"They're parasitical aliens who—"

"Right, so that would like, I don't know, make it alien technology?"

Daniel was silent again, but Jack noticed the tension building in his muscles. Good, he thought. Let him suffer if he wants to ask stupid questions.

"Have you always been so subtle?" Daniel grumbled, still not facing him.

"Oh, there we go. Snappy comeback time. Really, Daniel, I expect so much more from you."

"How can you say something like that?!" Daniel spun around, the anger pulsing in his temples, his face red and worn as evidenced by the dried tears that clung to his façade. Surprised, Jack took a step back, staring back at the livid man.

"What?" Jack asked at last.

"How much more do you expect from me? I've done all I can!"

Now it was Jack's turn to be silent. He hadn't a clue what Daniel was saying. He didn't even know if Daniel knew what he was saying. Maybe this was another flashback? Or maybe not…

"What are you trying to say?" Jack asked darkly.

"I tried so hard. I tried," Daniel muttered, his voice cracking with anger and pain. "I trained hard. I studied military tactics. I tried to look at things from your point of view. I tried and I tried. But it was never good enough. Never. God, I lost myself and it was never good enough."

Jack was stunned. Was Daniel talking about the time before his death? When nothing seemed right?

Daniel had far more issues and inner demons than he'd thought. He wanted to shout back and tell him how he was wrong, how he was misguided. No one had ever forced Daniel to change. No one had required him to be something different. If he couldn't keep up with them…

Grumbling, Jack refused to follow his train of thought. He wouldn't go there. He hadn't done anything wrong. He was a good leader. He supported and valued his team. Hell, he never left anyone behind.

Jack swallowed hard, staring at the emotionally battered man in front of him.

Look, Daniel, I know things have been, well, a little off lately…It's partly my fault… 

Damn. Suddenly, Jack felt small.

"Look, Daniel…"

"Look? Look?" Daniel's facial muscles tightened as he glared at him. "Do you see what I see?"

It sure isn't pretty, Jack sighed to himself. Where was the rest of Daniel? Where was his irritating sense of wonder and fascination with everything, his need to explore and make Jack's life a living hell? This…is this all they would get back? Damn those glowing jellyfish.

Would that be the only thing he would remember?

If that were the case, Jack felt like losing all hope now.

"Daniel…"

He shook his head, his eyes brimming with tears once again. He tore off his glasses. "This," he said, pointing to himself and shaking his head. "This is what I come back to? This is who I am?" He shook his head. "I don't want to be this person!"

Now that comment rattled him to the core.

"What?" Jack asked, trying to remain calm. Flashes of Daniel lying on his deathbed threatened to overtake his mind. He struggled to push them aside. "Who do you want to be?"

"I don't know!" Daniel shouted, his hands shaking. Then, suddenly, he groaned, bringing his right hand to his head.

Concerned, but still a little cautious, Jack took a step forward. "Daniel?"

"Another headache," Daniel answered.

"I got some aspirin somewhere," Jack mumbled, fumbling through his pockets.

"Have you read my reports?" Daniel asked suddenly, wandering off toward the lockers.

Jack watched him carefully, following the linguist, as he continued to search for the elusive bottle. "Of course. I _am_ in charge."

"That last year, there was no more enthusiasm in my writing. Did you notice that?"

"How the hell would I notice that from typed pages?"

Daniel shook his head, twirling his glasses absently in his hands. He suddenly seemed so far away. "I can tell."

"You're the one that wrote them," he muttered. He fumbled around in his other pocket.

"You just don't get it, do you, Jack?" Daniel retorted bitterly.

"What? What don't I get?"

"I don't know," Daniel said quickly, pacing as he flung his hands in the air. "I don't know. I don't know."

Jack could only stare at his friend dumbly. Daniel continued to pace, muttering to himself, a slight glassiness washing over his eyes. Cringing, Jack prepared himself for another one of Daniel's flashbacks, but it never seemed to come. Instead, the linguist continued his mantra, his fists curled as he walked.

Jack had no idea what to say, what to do. Daniel could barely keep a thought and though Jack was concerned, he was also angry that he had chosen him as his punching bag. What the hell? They had been on an emotional roller coaster since Daniel's death and now Daniel was turning this on him? He didn't think so.

"You know, maybe if you'd stop acting like a nut, I could take you more seriously."

"Oh. Oh, I see now," Daniel snarled angrily. "A few minutes ago, I was the sane stable one and now I am crazy."

Jack shook his head. "No, don't you be twisting this around and putting words in my mouth."

"I'm not."

"You are too."

"I am not."

"Yes, you are."

Daniel banged a locker with his free hand and glared at him. "Jack, why do you always do that?"

"Do what?"

He flung out his arms again. "Act dumb. We know you're smarter than that."

"What? Don't you make this about me. This isn't about me. This is about you."

"Oh, that's just like you! It's always about you!"

"You know," Jack began, waving a finger. "I think you remember a lot more than you're telling us."

"So, what? Now you're accusing me of being dishonest?"

"Hey, I'm not the one who said it."

"God, Jack, why? Why? Why?"

"Why what? Why are you picking a fight with me?

"I don't know!" Suddenly, Daniel began to sob, his entire façade broiling with a mix of emotion. With wild eyes, he turned away, pressing his forehead against one of the lockers. "I don't know," he whispered.

Jack took another step forward, wincing as he watched Daniel continue to cry. He really had no idea what kind of pain his friend could be experiencing, and he knew he would never want to have to go through it himself. But he could relate to one aspect of it.

"Daniel…"

He shook his head. "I'm so confused."

"Have you had any more flashbacks? The real vivid kind?"

With a sigh, the younger man nodded.

Damn. Flashbacks. It was like being on a bad acid trip.

"I've had them myself. They aren't pretty. But you got to get through them."

Daniel peeked at him over his shoulder as he continued to use the locker for support. "When you were—"

"Yeah."

Daniel sighed, wiping his face before putting his glasses back on his nose. "The first ones I had were nice. Well, I use the term 'nice' loosely. But it was better than just waking up and knowing a name. And they were better than the feelings and impressions I get."

Jack sighed as well. How were they supposed to know anything if Daniel never said a word?

"Why aren't you telling us any of this?"

"Because it's none of your business."

"Oh, here we go."

"Can't you even listen for just one moment?"

Jack shook his head, his lips tightening. "Well, what is it, Daniel? You gonna open up or not?"

"I don't know."

"Is that all you're going to say? I don't know? That's getting real old, real fast."

Daniel turned away from the locker and stood in Jack's face. Grinding his teeth, Jack held his cool, willing himself not to deck Daniel while he was obviously in the middle of something.

"I. Don't. Know," Daniel spelled out, nearly spitting on him.

"Real mature, Daniel. Real mature."

"Good, now that I'm on your level, maybe we can get somewhere."

Jack chuckled angrily, taking a few steps back and shaking his index finger. "Pushing it, Danny. Pushing it."

"Don't call me that," Daniel growled.

"Why not? Now that we're down to my level…"

Jack swore, darting back, nearly the recipient of an unexpected blow. Shocked, he gawked at Daniel.

The man had just swung at him.

"What the hell?"

Daniel stared blankly at him, his mouth open. Quickly, he shut it, his face turning red and he glanced away.

"Daniel? Daniel!"

"Go away, Jack." His voice was breaking again. "Go away."

"I don't think so."

Jack stormed over to Daniel, quickly matching the distance between them. His jaw set, Jack prepared himself as Daniel reared again, the younger man's fist coming fast and hard, attempting to connect with Jack's jaw. The military man easily dodged it, and grabbed Daniel by his arms and shoulders, pinning him against the row of lockers. He slammed him hard, once, twice, just so Daniel would get the point.

"Let me go!" Daniel yelled.

"Not until we get this out of your system."

"I don't know what you're talking about." His eyes were filled with such anger and hatred; Jack nearly went speechless.

Did Daniel despise him that much? Daniel?

"What do you remember? What have you seen? What are you seeing? You've got to work with me here!"

Daniel bared his teeth and tried to fight back, but to no avail. Jack had him fully restrained, and he wasn't going anywhere.

_No one had better say I'm too old for this_, Jack thought, holding the younger man in place.

"What other flashbacks have you been having?"

"I'm not going to talk about it with you. I don't want to talk to you."

Jack shoved him again. "You always try and get other people to talk about their feelings. You're always there for support and to lend a hand. And while that is very valiant of you, Daniel, you can't always play the hero. It's selfish."

"Selfish?" He laughed, exasperated. "How is that selfish?"

"Because you end up shutting everyone else out of your life."

"I don't need anyone!"

"Yeah?" He shoved him again, knocking Daniel against the locker door. "You think so?"

"How is that selfish? Huh? Because I try to be the good friend? Why is that so bad?" Daniel retorted, his voice rising.

"When you shut us out, it's selfish, Daniel. You may think you don't need anyone, but dammit, ever think people might need you?"

Finally, silence. Maybe he had finally gotten through the other man's deranged reasoning.

Daniel stared at him, his mouth agape, his body sliding against the cool metal locker door as Jack held him by his jacket. He blinked a few times and Jack was afraid the tears would return at any time.

"I know you don't remember everything. I bet your mind is pretty much like Swiss cheese right now. But you've got to believe me when I say you've got good stuff to go along with all the bad stuff you're feeling."

"I don't believe it," Daniel mumbled.

"What exactly brought this on, anyway?" Jack relaxed his grip. Slightly.

Daniel sighed, nervously averting Jack's gaze. "I can't-I can't remember the two of us ever being close," he admitted, his small voice cracking.

Jack said nothing. He really wasn't sure how he could answer him. He wasn't sure he could. The words stung, vocalizing his worst fears. But he stayed firm, not wanting Daniel to see him falter. If he cracked now…

"I've tried. I keep trying to remember. People tell me," Daniel continued, his voice a whisper. Staring at the floor, he still refused to look Jack in the eye. "And I have my journals…"

Jack arched an eyebrow, his curiosity piqued. Maybe he should have read those diaries when he'd had them locked up in storage.

"But?" Jack prodded, knowing he didn't want to hear the answer.

"Just because I can read it, doesn't mean I can feel it." He sighed again, he head bowed. "It's frustrating."

_Frustrating was an understatement_, Jack thought. Freeing one of his hands, he pushed the glasses that were slipping of Daniel's face back into place.

"All I can seem to remember is how much we used to fight. I keep seeing us argue."

"We always do," Jack told him softly. "It's what we do."

"But—" Daniel shook his head, turning his head away as he gazed off into the distance. "This is different. It's-it's painful."

Jack held his breath, licking his lips as he paused for a beat. Doc Fraiser had warned him—them—that as Daniel's memories returned and became more real, more tangible, the soft-spoken complacent man they'd found on Vis Uban could change, and probably would, into an irritable, confused and angry one.

Really, Jack couldn't blame him.

"Look, Daniel. I'm gonna tell you right now this isn't going to be like taking a walk in the park."

"I never thought it would be," he answered wearily.

"I don't know why your head decided it would be fun to remember our arguments over-" Jack choked, clearing his throat. Damn, he wished he were better at this "talking" stuff. "Over our better moments. I'm sure they'll come back, though."

"I hope so."

"So, if I let you go, are you going to punch me or something?"

With another sigh, Daniel shook his head. "No."

"Kick me?"

"No."

"Bite me?"

"Jack?"

Jack smirked. "Just checking." He was serious again. "Bite me?"

Daniel chuckled. "No."

"Okay, then." Jack slowly released the younger man, bringing his elevated body gently to the floor. Jack straightened out Daniel's jacket, and dusted off his shoulders. "There."

In an instant, Daniel had a handful of Jack's hair clenched in his fist.

"Ow!"

Daniel released him, a mischievous smile on his face. "Never said anything about that."

Swearing loudly, Jack rubbed his head. "I shouldn't have to say anything!" But Jack found himself smiling nonetheless.

"Now you know," Daniel stated, moving over to a bench and sinking onto it slowly.

From Jack's perspective, he concluded Daniel looked worn. From the lines of worry and frustration that wrinkled his forehead to the red puffiness that swelled around his eyes, Daniel didn't appear like he was going to make it for very much longer. His eyes were blood shot, his hair damp, and his skin clammy, a little too pale for his liking.

"What's on your mind?" Jack asked casually, though keeping his tone soft.

"I still have a headache."

"Damn. Sorry. I forgot." Jack reached into his pocket and withdrew a bottle of aspirin. With a quick jiggle and a pop, he shook out a couple of pills and handed them to Daniel. "Here."

Daniel stared at them, almost reluctantly, before he sighed and threw them in his mouth. He looked to the side for a moment, but whatever thought he had vanished, and he swallowed hard.

"I could have gotten you a glass of water, you know," Jack mumbled, noticing Daniel lick his lips. "Headache that bad?"

His only reply was a wince.

"Hey, I'm talking to you. Be honest here."

"They're getting worse, but I seem to be able to tolerate them more," he answered tiredly.

"Have you told Doct—No, of course not." Jack sighed. The man would never learn.

"It'll pass."

"Push over."

Mumbling something Jack couldn't understand, Daniel slid over to his right, leaving just enough room for him to sit down. Cringing as he heard his knees crack, Jack eased himself down and exhaled loudly.

"I heard that," Daniel whispered, pointing to his knees.

"Yeah, well, I'm not getting any younger." He cleared his throat again, feeling his own cheeks begin to burn. He so hated these kinds of conversations. "Um, so do you uh…"

"Want to talk?"

Jack scrubbed at the back of his neck. "Yeah."

"Is your shift almost over?"

"Shift?" Jack rolled his eyes, muttering under his breath. He wasn't going to get into another argument. He wasn't going to feed into whatever issues Daniel was having. Not again.

"Nope," he replied. "You got me for the whole day," he lied. Making a mental note, he decided he'd better tell Carter and Teal'c to keep their distance. He didn't need Daniel wailing on them as well. "So, you'd better start talking, or I'll start talking, and we all know I'll start talking 'bout fish, and hockey, and—"

He heard Daniel groan.

"Hey, those are interesting topics," he whined, feigning that he was hurt. "Several intelligent books have been written on those those subjects."

"You read books?" Daniel queried with the raise of an eyebrow.

"Oh, cute. Very funny."

"I thought so." He smiled weakly.

"So?" Jack started, opening his palms.

"So?"

"So, talk."

"About what?"

"Hey, you're the one that always complains we don't talk enough."

A sigh. "We don't talk enough. Not about what's important." Daniel's gaze became distant as he stared off into the corner of the locker room.

He was right. No, they never talked, especially near the end. Talking was uncomfortable. It made far better sense to just ignore things and have pizza. He never talked with Sara either and look where that had led them.

Feeling that uneasy feeling creeping over him again, Jack fidgeted in his seat, hesitantly reaching out to place his hand on Daniel's shoulder. Exhaling softly, Jack was relieved when the younger man didn't flinch.

"What I said back there, about you being a nut and all? I—"

"I know."

He continued. "I was just angry, and—"

"I know." Daniel shot him a quick pained look before turning his attention back to his invisible focal point. "I didn't mean to try to hit—"

"Oh, yes you did," Jack said, keeping his tone light. "We do have a gym on base, you know. I'll take you down there and you can hit whatever you want."

Daniel titled his head. "Anything?"

"Except for me."

For a moment, Jack thought Daniel was going to break into a smile, but something held him back. Sighing, he bowed his head. "I'm sorry I—"

"Don't apologize. This-this is going to take some time. Not an overnight fix, you know."

"I know, but—"

"So, you know." Jack sighed again and gazed levelly at Daniel. "Look, Daniel, I'm sorry that—" He cleared his throat again and found himself picking at the end of the bench. "You know, before you—I wasn't the most pleasant of people."

"Jack, don't apologize, either. You don't have to—"

"Ah," Jack started holding up a finger. "Don't interrupt. A sudden thought crossed his mind. "Daniel, you don't remember—"

He shook his head. "No. Not yet, anyway. I know how I died, but I don't have any recollection of it."

Thank God, wherever he was. Or thank Oma. Thank someone.

"Well, like I said, I wasn't the best person before, you know. I didn't mean for you to feel, well, you know…"

Daniel smiled.

A smile? A real smile?

"I know what you're trying to say." An embarrassed smile touched his lips. "I know it's hard for you to talk. It's hard for me, too. I appreciate it."

Jack wasn't sure if they had a breakthrough or anything, but just seeing a smile on that young man's face seemed to make everything okay. Maybe they would eventually get back on track. Maybe they'd have resolution. Maybe they'd fix whatever they had made go wrong.

He held his breath, remembering Daniel's presence, staying by his side while Ba'al tortured him, finding a loophole in the rules in order to help save him. Maybe Daniel would never remember, but Jack would never forget.

He rubbed his shoulder fondly.

"Let's get out of here. I'm starting to smell like old shoes."

Daniel chuckled, but then wrinkled his nose with distain. "Yeah, I wasn't going to say anything."

Jack smiled at him giving him a quick pat on the back.

"Where we going?"

Jack shrugged, helping the younger man to his feet as he steered him toward the exit. "I got a few ideas. That is, if you don't mind spending some time with a cranky old colonel."

"Ideas meaning on the base or off the base?

Jack considered his words. "Well, no one has to know…"

Daniel shot him a warning glare. "I'm not supposed to leave the base, yet."

Grinning, he pulled Daniel a little closer. "No one has to know."

He chuckled again, but paused. "Jack?"

Eyeing him cautiously, Jack nodded, caught off guard by the sudden discomfort touching Daniel's features. "Daniel?"

"Didn't—" Daniel was frowning, his blue eyes scanning the room. "Didn't we used to have a private locker room?"

With a grin, Jack squeezed his shoulder. "Renovations. Who knows when our old locker rooms will be ready, if ever." He cleared his throat. "Plus, now that you're back and all, got to make sure they get everything right."

Jack's comment brought another smile to Daniel's lips. Now this was nice.

No way they were going to screw things up again. Not again. He knew it would take time. But they had to start somewhere.

"So," Jack began, slinging his arm around Daniel's shoulders as he guided him towards the door. "Did you want to grab a beer and catch a game?"


	7. Part Seven: Identity and Reconstruction:...

Title: Identity and Reconstruction

Author: Moonshayde

Season 7

Spoilers: Stargate the movie and all previous seasons. Tales place after Homecoming and before Fragile Balance. Epilogue takes place after Orpheus.

Character: Daniel. Includes the rest of SG-1, Hammond, and Janet.

Summary: Daniel's quest to rediscover himself reaches its climax when he finds his life plagued with dreams, nightmares and flashbacks. Only by his strength and through self-discovery, will he be able to accept his past and embrace his future.

Rated: PG-13

_Disclaimer: Stargate, Stargate SG-1 and all of its characters, titles, names, and back-story are the property of MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, Gekko Productions, SciFi Channel, and Showtime/Viacom. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author. This story cannot be printed anywhere without the sole permission of the author. Realize this is for entertainment purposes only; no financial gain or profit has been gained from this fiction. This story is not meant to be an infringement on the rights of the above-mentioned establishments_

* * *

Breathing hard, he gazed upward. He ignored the heavy pounding in his head, and the throbbing pain at his side.

This would be it. This was the time. It had to be.

They were coming back now. It was them.

He could barely contain himself as he gazed into the fluctuations of the event horizon. From here, the Gate seemed so peaceful, inviting, and open. From here, in this moment, he couldn't imagine anything negative being able to spring forth from beyond that doorway. From here, it was…

Just them. Only them. They were finally coming home.

Feeling the excitement bubbling to the surface, almost too much to bear, he took a step forward, reaching the base of the ramp…

"Doctor Jackson!"

Daniel blinked, and jerked, gasping as he found himself staring at the barrel of berretta. The SF holding the weapon did not flinch, or make a sound, steady in his position, as he remained trained on Daniel's form.

Daniel blinked again, his mind struggling to make sense of what was happening. More soldiers rushed into the Gateroom, weapons drawn, nearly surrounding him. Astonished, Daniel raised his hands, swallowed hard, his gaze becoming one of fear and pleading as General Hammond entered the room.

"Doctor Jackson, do you mind telling me what this is all about?"

Daniel stared at the general dumbly. "I-I-What's going on?"

Frowning, the general regarded him seriously. "That's what I'm hoping you could tell me." Always business, Hammond kept his arms by his side, and his voice remained stern in front of his men. But Daniel did not miss the softening in his eyes. "What are you doing in the Gateroom, son?"

Daniel stared at him, his mouth agape before turning to steal a glance at the Stargate.

Down. Deactivated. Nothing but emptiness.

They weren't coming. Not this time.

A wave of disappointment flooded his senses.

"Doctor Jackson?"

"I-uh," He stole another glance back to the Gate before turning to General Hammond. "I thought they were coming back."

General Hammond was studying him now, scrutinizing him with those piercing blue eyes.

Suddenly Daniel felt angry, resentful. Why did everyone have to look at him that way? God, he hated this. He hated this so much.

Of course they weren't coming. They were already here.

Moaning, he grabbed his head, ignoring the questions and requests, and the concern that was evident in the general's voice. He squeezed his eyes shut he held on tightly, keeping to himself as he was spirited to the place he just could couldn't help but frequent.

* * *

"Okay, Daniel, do you want to tell me what just happened?"

He sighed, staring at the wall. _Not really_, he thought. What was he supposed to say? Everyone thought he was crazy anyway.

"Daniel?"

"It's nothing," he muttered, too embarrassed to look into Janet's eyes. "Just a headache."

"Just a headache?" Her voice sounded doubtful. "General Hammond told me you were looking for someone. In the Gateroom. Is that true?"

"It might be."

He stole a glance her way and cringed. For such a short woman, Doctor Janet Fraiser had an overwhelming presence.

"Doctor Jackson, if you aren't forthcoming with me, then I will just have to keep you in the infirmary." She glared at him firmly. "Indefinitely."

Sighing heavily, Daniel allowed his head to sink. Why couldn't they all just leave him alone? He needed some quiet, some peace from all the thoughts swirling in his mind. So much buzzing. It made him feel dizzy…

Daniel jerked, snapping his eyes open as he felt Janet's hand on his arm. Her features were full of worry, and she had about a half a dozen nurses and aides standing in wait.

_You have to be kidding_, he thought, realizing he had slumped and nearly fallen off the gurney where he had been sitting. _When was this going to end?_

"Daniel, why don't you lean back and rest your head on that pillow. One of the aides here is going to get you something for your headache and something to drink, okay?"

"Janet, I don't need…" He let his voice trail off as he licked his lips, realizing he was indeed thirsty. Sighing softly, he eased himself back into the bed. "Thanks," he said.

"It's not a problem," she said gently, stroking his arm. "Now, are you going to tell me what happened?"

He hesitated, studying her closely. Janet continued to smile at him warmly, running her hand up and down his arm in that soothing manner she always seemed to possess. But under her gentleness ran a current of authority.

"Daniel," she said softly, "I am both your doctor and your friend. Don't make me use my rank as medical officer over that friendship."

He sighed. What could he do? The more he resisted, the longer he would be stuck here.

Daniel closed his eyes, rubbing his right side absently. "I thought they were coming back."

"Who? Who was coming back?"

Despite feeling his cheeks redden, he continued. "SG-1. I thought they were returning through the Stargate."

There was silence from the diminutive doctor. He chanced a glance by opening his eyes.

Janet kept her grip firm on his forearm. "SG1 isn't off-world at this time. In fact, Sam and Teal'c are on base. I can call them if you'd like."

"No, I know. I know. I just had thought…they were off-world. It was my mistake. I was just a little confused."

"Another flashback?"

He sighed. At first, he'd welcomed the flashbacks. They always felt so real. Now that he had a way to associates images to his feelings, he could look into the past. Relive the past. The words that he read, the things people told him…now, they could be real. Actual living memory to compliment the few scattered thoughts he'd been able to recall on his own. The experience was amazing.

Then, the flashbacks changed. No longer were they informative and fresh, offering him new life. They had become draining and tiresome, showing him events that horrified him. He felt more and more uneasy as the flashbacks increased, and a deep brooding sense of guilt and loathing had started to settle in himself. Why? Why would he feel like this?

These people—his friends. They were good people. They genuinely cared about him and his well-being. He had witnessed it himself. He read about it in the reports.

So why was he afraid?

He had joked around with Jack. He had watched a couple of movies with Teal'c. He'd hung around with Sam. But something was off; something just wasn't right. What was he missing? Was he missing something at all?

Why couldn't he seem to distinctly remember all the good times they had together?

"Daniel."

He shook his head to clear his thoughts, suddenly regretting the move. Another wave of dizziness struck him, and he clutched the sides of the bed, cursing to himself over his condition.

Why couldn't Oma Desala allow him to be himself? Why hadn't she wanted him to stay with her?

"Daniel," Janet repeated. "Daniel, I need to know how many times you've acted out one of your flashbacks."

He just stared at her. "What do you mean?"

"Oh, you know what I mean." She crossed her arms across her chest. "You were looking for SG-1 in the Gateroom. How many other times have you snapped out of a flashback to find yourself somewhere different?"

This wasn't a good conversation to have, he decided.

"This was the fir—" He halted, chilled as he watched her eyes narrow. How could she always tell when someone was lying?

"A handful of times."

"A handful?"

Daniel stared at the ceiling. "Three. Four."

Her expression became hard.

"Maybe seven."

Her arms flung to her side. "Seven? And you're sharing this information now?" she shook her head. "How do you get past the SF's—"

"Most of the time they don't know. I don't know. The few flashbacks I have acted out, as you say, have been about work in my office. All of us just end up there." He shrugged, placing his glasses on the bedside table. "Or they happen at night, when I am asleep. Usually at night."

"Daniel," Janet started gently, "It's very important that you tell me these things. You don't have to take on this burden alone."

Alone. But hadn't that always been the case?

He was suddenly feeling uncomfortable again.

"I've been honest. Can I go now?"

Janet cocked her head, eyeing him carefully. Daniel sighed, knowing that look.

"I'm afraid I can't let you go just yet, Daniel," she said in her kindest voice. "I just want to run a few tests and give you something for the headaches and the dizziness." She whispered something to another one of her aides before the man left. "And I also want your word that you will tell me the next time this happens."

What good would it do? What if the next time he came to his senses he was just about to be swallowed by an establishing wormhole? He'd just come so close…

He shivered at the thought. Oma Desala wouldn't be there to save him then.

"Daniel?"

"I'll let you know," he said in a hollow voice.

"Have you been keeping a journal?" she asked abruptly.

He nodded, bringing his hands to his head. "Yes."

Sam's idea. Since Daniel loved to write and loved to ponder written texts, Sam had thought it useful for him to record his experiences. So day-by-day, Daniel would chart out the events from morning until night, jotting down the most mundane, like what he had chosen to eat for breakfast, to the most outlandish, like screaming in the shower, with the hope of piecing together his life.

He had to admit that in some ways it helped, especially since his reports only showed him his intellectual side and his personal journals only went so far. He chuckled to himself, feeling both irritated and amused, thinking back to journals of several occasions where he had found it more important to write pages and pages on his impressions of an artifact, instead of writing his feelings at the time.

But everyone told him that was perfectly normal for him. Leave it to him to even rob himself of his emotions now, years after writing some of these entries.

"Why?" he asked Janet, pressing his fingers to his temples.

"If you're keeping a journal faithfully, then perhaps you have recorded your thoughts and impressions right before you have a flashback." She tugged gently at his hands to further gain his attention, motioning to the aide beside her. "We might not be able to predict them precisely, but we could develop a better understanding of your state just prior to a flashback."

"You mean like a warning sign?" Daniel asked, gratefully accepting the pills and water from the medical assistant.

"Something like that. Though, I do admit it will be difficult. Your flashbacks are triggered by certain events, words, sounds, smells…they can come very quickly. That is why it is important for you to stay alert and aware so that you can record what is happening and then provide that information to us." She smiled at him. "We just want to help you and get you back on your feet again."

"I know." He pressed his head deeper into the pillows. "I know."

They all wanted him back. The person that had died a year ago. But could he give them that person? Did he even want to be that person?

He'd read the reports. He had felt impressions of his past. He had seen some video from the security camera. He had experienced several flashbacks.

He hated it. He hated it all. Why? Why couldn't he find peace?

He should have remained on Vis Uban. He should have never come back.

"Daniel?"

Closing his eyes, Daniel pushed Janet's voice out of his consciousness. He didn't want to deal with this anymore. He just wanted to be alone.

Why couldn't anyone leave him alone…

He was alone.

Dark, cold…

Tired, scared…

He was going to die here. Alone.

Daniel curled into himself, chattering his teeth as he heard the grunts and moans of the Touched all around him. They were eating now—God only knew what that was—and had gathered by the warmth of the fire.

Maybe…

Daniel moved slightly, attempting to slip away undetected, as the Touched lay absorbed in their meal. If he could just sneak away, hide away, he would buy himself some time. Surely, Jack would come for him…

He swallowed down the lump in his throat, refusing to recall the images of his friends at the SGC. There was little time for thought now. Already, he had begun to feel differently, his mind more sluggish, but his senses were heightened, and he felt more alert. More alive.

No, he couldn't stay. He had to leave.

Summoning the courage, Daniel began to crawl away, tasting the freedom just out of arm's reach. Almost…

Almost. He had almost made it.

Daniel lashed out, struggling against Teal'c. They were there. Dammit, why couldn't anyone see them?

Daniel jerked, watching the small metallic blue worm wriggle into Teal'c.

What the hell was that?

"Something just went into Teal'c!"

God, they were all staring at him. Staring! Staring at him with pity and sympathy. No, fear. No! he screamed to himself, I am not crazy! It just went into Teal'c.

He panicked, watching the orderlies enter, ready to restrain him.

"Don't just stand there! Get it out of him!"

Closer, closer. They were coming closer.

No, he thought, no I can't be locked up here alone. Don't leave me…

"They are gone."

"No," Daniel said defiantly, feeling his reserve energy starting to fail him. He rose, pointing to the alien. "No, they wouldn't leave without me."

"You are no more."

"Wha—They think I'm--?"

"This memory I gave them, so they would not return."

Daniel stared at the alien known as Nem with disbelief. Gone. They were gone. And he was left here alone.

"Why?" he cried despairingly. "Why are you doing this?"

Daniel glared at him, feeling his anger, fear, bubbling to the surface.

"What right do you have to judge the value of my life?" he asked irately, struggling through the weakness of his new body.

Ma'chello gazed at him with cold indifference. Daniel never would have thought his own face could be so chilling. "I have suffered more than anyone should suffer in a lifetime. For fifty years, I fought against the Goa'uld. Then I was betrayed by my wife, whom they secretly turned into a host."

"So was mine. She is still with them."

"At least you still have a planet. And friends. Two billion of my people died rather than surrender me to the Goa'uld," Ma'chello said coolly.

"You have made great sacrifices. We owe you gratitude. But still it does not give you the right to take another's life."

"If you had the technology, you would do the same."

"No, I wouldn't. Because then I would become no better than the Goa'uld."

Ma'chello glared at him angrily. "I am not a Goa'uld. I hate the Goa'uld."

Daniel stood his ground, despite his weakness. "The Goa'uld use hosts because they think they are better than humans. Because they believe, they deserve it. You're a Goa'uld, Ma'chello. I am nothing but a host to you."

"I am not a Goa'uld."

"My wife is still alive. There is a chance I can still save her. You are stealing that chance."

"Even if you still had this body, you will never find her."

"I will find her," Daniel answered defiantly. He couldn't die here now, trapped in this old man's body. He felt the tears welling, spilling from his eyes. "I will find her!"

"Sha're!"

Daniel stood with disbelief as he gazed at the face of his wife. The wife he had lost only a year ago. And now, she was here, on Abydos. Pregnant.

"Daniel!"

"It's all right, Sha're. Push," Daniel instructed while he remained waiting at her feet.

"No! The demon will come back!"

"You have to push."

Sha're cried desperately. "But I will lose you, Daniel!! Please!!"

"Look at me."

"Please!!!"

Daniel clenched his fists, gathering his strength before gazing intensely at his wife. "Look at me! I love you! I will always love you. You understand?" He choked, struggling to hold back the strong emotions he felt. "The Goa'uld will never be able to take that away from us. Do you understand me? Never."

Never…

No, they hadn't. The Goa'uld had never taken that love from them, not even when she passed away. Not even when he had died. Nothing. No one could come between Daniel and for whatever, for whomever, he felt so passionately.

He was loyal and steadfast, unwavering.

Was that what drew these people to him?

Daniel was suddenly acutely aware of noises around him, but he felt neither the strength nor the need to open his eyes. He was so tired…

"I came as soon as you called. How long has he been lying there?" Jack's voice asked.

"A few hours," Janet responded.

"Sleeping?"

"Yes, sir. We've noticed some intense REM readings during his time here in the infirmary."

"Flashbacks?" That was Sam's voice.

"I think so, Sam. Though, I won't know for certain until he wakes up and might be able to tell us."

"So wake him up," Jack said.

_Nice_, Daniel thought. _So considerate_.

"Would it not be best for DanielJackson to awaken on his own, O'Neill?"

_Ah, thank you, Teal'c._

"Maybe we're pushing him too hard," Sam informed them. "I mean, we have been grilling him for information on a daily basis. Maybe he just needs some time to adjust on his own terms."

"I thought that was what we were doing?" He heard Jack sigh impatiently. Patience was never one of Jack's strongest suits, he thought to himself. "What he needs is some beer. Beer will fix everything."

Daniel chuckled to himself, recalling a time where Jack had sworn that beer was the cure for sore throat. And for a stubbed toe. And for eye strain…

"I do not see how beer will be effective, O'Neill."

"Nevermind."

"Well, I know you're all concerned for Daniel, but I can't have everyone crowding the infirmary," Janet said sadly. "As soon as he wakes up, I will call you."

"SG-12 having some troubles again?" Jack asked off-handedly.

Janet sighed. "Yes."

"I thought they just came back."

"They were authorized back to the planet, sir," Sam stated.

"Yes. Okay, enough stalling," Janet said authoritatively. "Time to go. Let my patients rest."

He sighed with relief, hearing the sounds of shuffling near the exit. He cautiously opened one eye, then his other, testing the light, and wiping the residual stickiness from his lids.

Had he been crying? Wonderful.

He turned his head to his left and then to his right, noticing there was an airman lying on one of the beds. He appeared to have a burn—perhaps from a staff blast or some other weapon—on his right shoulder. Daniel felt his own shoulder, rubbing it tenderly, as he felt another memory struggling to bubble to the surface.

Not this time, he told himself, grinding his teeth. I've had enough fun for one afternoon.

Angry, Daniel flopped back down on his pillow and squeezed his eyes shut.

Why? Why did this have to happen? Why did he deserve this?

They cared for him. They seemed to care so deeply.

Why? How? After what he had done to them…

He cared for them. He felt the emotion acutely, so deeply it lit his mind on fire.

And yet, he had hurt them just as deeply.

Opening his eyes, he stared upward, focusing on that painful, searing light above him. So painful…

The pain was everywhere, like someone stabbing him with a thousand needles over every inch of his body. Oh, God, it hurt. It hurt so badly.

Not quickly. It wouldn't end quickly. No, it would be long and hard, like a kind of torture.

_No, stop it. That's over. I don't want to think about this._

He could hear their voices, but he couldn't see anymore. Not at this point. Everything was numb, over the pain, but he could hear them. He felt detached though, almost as if he had already slipped away. The sedatives and painkillers couldn't help him now.

_No! I don't want to remember this!_

Each one came to his side, mourning him. Each friend came, trying to find peace with him, desperate to try to find a way to save him. No one wanted to lose him. No one wanted to say goodbye.

God, they loved him. Loved him so deeply.

There was nothing he could do. Not here. Not this way. Another way…there was always another way.

Please… 

The pain. The light. The light no longer stung, but was warm, comforting.

She was there now, talking to him, guiding him. She held wisdom, knowledge, and friendship. She could save him. She could lift him from his despair. She was the answer. And then maybe one day, he could return to them all that they had given him.

He loved them. So very much. He'd miss them. So very much.

Oma, why did you leave me this way? Did you? 

He gasped, feeling his body spasm. It was ending now. Time to move on. He released Jack from his mind, his thoughts, knowing this was the hardest thing he ever had to do.

It was time to go.

"Oh my God, no!"

Daniel cried out, feeling the pain rip through him as he thrashed around the bed. Within moments, he was surrounded and he was being pinned down. He grinded his teeth, screaming, ignoring the pleas from the aides and assistants.

"I'm dying! I don't want to die!"

"Daniel, hold still. You're not dying," Janet's voice stated evenly, cutting through the madness.

Daniel gasped again, his eyes wildly searching through her, through the haze that had obstructed his vision. "Janet?"

"I'm here. Hold still. I am going to give you a little something to calm you."

Daniel shook fiercely, breathing hard. "I am not a Goa'uld! Don't give me that! Where's Dr. Fraiser? Don't give me that. I am Dr. Daniel Jackson. I need to see Colonel O'Neill."

He heard Janet's voice again, and blinked.

"Daniel, I'm right here. If you need Colonel O'Neill, I can get him for you."

Daniel whimpered, feeling the tears escape his eyes once again.

_I'm crazy_, he thought. _I have no control over my thoughts or feelings. They all must think I'm crazy._

He had to get out of here. He couldn't take this scrutiny any longer.

"Get out of my way," he snapped at the nurse hovering over him. "Get that needle away from me."

"Daniel," Janet said sternly. "Daniel, I need for you to lie back down."

"No." Daniel swung his legs over the side of the bed, pushing the nurse away. He couldn't stay here. It was driving him mad. He had to leave.

"Daniel. Doctor Jackson," Janet declared, snapping her fingers to two of her larger assistants. "Don't make me order you to stay."

"No." Daniel grabbed onto his head, feeling the pain shoot through him. Damn these headaches. "I can't do this anymore!" he yelled.

"Daniel, I am given you one last—"

"No!" Daniel jumped to his feet, struggling to push through the two male aides that were blocking his path. They grabbed him by the arms and started to drag him back to the bed. "No!" he yelled again.

His mind was like jelly. He couldn't separate anything. Moaning softly, he slumped in their grasp, grinding his teeth as he struggled through the blur of thoughts and emotions that were flooding him.

"Get Colonel O'Neill," Janet ordered sharply. "Make sure Teal'c is with him."

"No!" Daniel yelled again, kicking his legs and lashing out his arms. "No, stop this!"

"Daniel," Janet's voice was straining now. "If you don't calm down I am going to have to restrain you. I don't want to do it, but it's for your own protection."

"Your own protection," he spat bitterly. "Let me go."

"No," she told him firmly. "Let's get a sedative ready," she whispered to one of the nurses.

"No. No! No!!" Daniel cried, shaking his head back and forth. "No more! I don't want to dream anymore!"

"Daniel!"

The agony. The pain seared through him once again and he struggled hard against it, trying to push it away.

"I have to go back!" he yelled, still struggling. "You're killing me!"

"What happened?" Daniel heard Jack's voice, but he couldn't see him. Damn, he just couldn't see him.

"I think he's passing in and out of particularly painful flashbacks, sir," Janet said softly. "I may need to restrain him."

"No!" Daniel tried to move, but they were holding him down now. They were all holding him back.

No…

"Stop killing me!" he screamed at the top of his lungs.

"Damn," he heard Jack mutter.

Daniel squeezed his eyes shut, moaning as the assistants held him in place on the bed. He kicked a couple of times to show them he couldn't be restrained so easily before he relaxed his body. When he had calmed his breathing, he noticed Teal'c and Jack were two of the people gripping him.

Squinting, Daniel focused on Jack, fighting to keep his rage at bay.

"Boerenlul," he swore angrily.

"What the hell, Daniel? Cursing at me in different languages now?" He turned to an aide. "What language was that?" He narrowed his eyes at Daniel. "What did you just say?"

"Loop naar de hel," Daniel started again, remembering another one of his grandfather's favorite phrases.

"I think I understood that one," Jack growled irately. "You satisfied now?"

Daniel jerked under their grasp. They were unyielding.

"No more drugs, please," Daniel whispered, motioning to the syringe in Janet's hand.

"Love to have it go that way, but you just went ballistic on Doctor Fraiser's team here and I don't think she appreciates that much." Jack regarded him seriously. "And I don't appreciate the mouth on me. No one is trying to hurt you, you know."

"I know." He sighed. He knew that. "I know. Sorry."

He forced himself to relax again, breathing out deeply. He knew they were trying their best. He knew. What was wrong with him?

"You gonna stay put?"

"Sir?"

Jack released one of his hands and waved Janet away. He focused hard on Daniel. "If we let you go, are you going to stay right there?"

"Yes."

"I am holding you to your word, Daniel. If you don't keep it, I will have Teal'c beat the living crap out of you, you hear?"

"I will do no such thing, O'Neill."

Jack rolled his eyes. "You got to work with me here, T."

Teal'c straightened his back, and arched an eyebrow at Daniel as he continued to hold him effortlessly. "I would never intentionally bring physical harm to you, DanielJackson."

"Thanks, Teal'c," Daniel said weakly.

"Okay, then, it's decided?"

"I won't create a fuss."

Slowly, carefully, Jack released his grip and the other follows suit. Daniel exhaled again, not realizing he kept holding his breath.

"Want to give Doc Fraiser the courtesy to tell her what just happened here?"

He sighed. No, not really.

"I needed some space," Daniel conceded, avoiding Jack's gaze. "I-I felt trapped."

"Flashbacks?" he asked him.

Another sigh. "Yeah."

"Do you recall what may have triggered your memories, DanielJackson?"

"Yeah."

He said nothing after that, watching Jack squirm impatiently. "Okay, so? And?"

"I was remembering what it was like to die."

No one responded to that comment. He didn't really expect them to answer. Since his return, he had easily noticed that everyone on base had avoided the subject of his death, and whenever he went hunting for details, he hit a wall. There were some details in the reports he read, but not enough for him to understand. Even when he had asked Janet to explain to him what had happened, and how he had reacted to the radiation poisoning, she had only released partial information, keeping it as vague as possible. Finally, Daniel had gone searching online for information, once his identity had been reestablished in the network. He had cringed with disgust reading on what he could have gone through, but he had never known for sure. Now, he knew. He remembered every bit of it. The bleeding sores, the loss of his hair, the liquefying of his tissue. Every last gory detail, he remembered.

"Then, I saw the syringe and that brought back some other pleasant memories," he added sardonically.

"I'm sorry, Daniel," Janet said softly. "You were extremely agitated and we—"

"No, no. I understand. I'm just tired. Very tired."

The flashbacks drained him, depleting him of his strength in a way he didn't think any of them could understand. These horrible, horrible memories. He was beginning to wonder if there was anything positive left to his existence.

"I'll take that sedative now," he asked hopefully. "I won't dream that way."

"Daniel," Janet started softly, passing the syringe to a male nurse. "I only like to use them as a last resort. If you are calling up these images and feelings, then your mind must need them to be processed."

"What are you trying to say?" he asked, feigning ignorance.

"She means let what happens, happen," Jack said bluntly. "Unless…" he waved his hand around, nonchalantly. "You don't want it to happen."

Daniel narrowed his eyes. "I don't like what you're implying."

"Don't have to like it," he said with a listless smile. "But think about it."

Pursing his lips with frustration, Daniel scowled and turned away from him.

"Just saying…" Jack said, allowing his voice to trail off. "Let's go, Teal'c. We'll come back when Daniel feels more like sharing."

Daniel let them go, ignoring the slight tremor that shook his body. He needed to be alone. He didn't need anyone right now.

He was so tired.

"Daniel?"

He rolled his head so that he could see Janet. "Yes?"

"Do you need anything? Food? Water?"

"No, I'm okay. Just tired."

_I don't want to dream_, he thought to himself. _Don't let me dream this time._

He could already feel himself slipping.

"Okay, well call me if you need anything, okay?

"Okay…"

The light started to fade, and he felt his eyes slipping shut, his mind lulling into some other reality. He thought once more of the pain, of his anger and his confusion. Of all the guilt and shame. What if Jack was right? What if--?

"But there was a moral issue."

_I was always the one who sought morality in the face of death._

"Well actually Jack asked me to give him another choice so…technically I'm following an order."

_A little headstrong, I didn't always follow orders, but I did listen to the important ones. _

"I'm sorry; I just don't understand why you would continue to fight a war when there's another choice."

_And I always tried to find another way. _

"Well, it was his choice. I told them they didn't have to kill."

_A better way._

"Well, we have to give them the option. Then it's their choice."

_Something to counter the destruction that we saw each day._

"We are killing a whole race of people here! How can I not care?!"

_I was also always known as the compassionate one._

"Actually, sir, I kind of told them it'd be ok. I told them we'd have to leave them in the halls, sort of a…compromise."

_The mediator._

"I'm just saying that if we know what we're worth, maybe there's something we can offer for our freedom."

_Somewhat of a negotiator_.

"Your Eminence, our government has asked us to return to Tollana to arrange for formal diplomatic relations with your people."

_The diplomat._

"It sounds familiar. A bit like Berber. Maybe Chadic or Omotic."

_The translator._

"Yes. I'm, uh, Daniel Jackson, the person you were talking to before. This is Major Carter, Colonel Jack O'Neill and Teal'c."

_The linguist who usually took the first step._

"We're peaceful explorers from a place called Earth."

_An avid explorer._

"W'uh, well we should stay awhile longer and study the society. Learn how they've evolved from Minoan culture. I mean, see those statues over there, those are bulls. The bull is all throughout Minoan culture on Earth but we never really knew why."

_The anthropologist._

"SG-11, Archaeological survey P3X-888, dig site four...Five. Subject Queen, primordial Goa'uld as evidence by the enlarged pectoral musculature and dorsal structure. This Goa'uld ancestor appears to have been a…"

_The archaeologist._

"Teotihucan flourished for centuries as a religious and economic mecca before suffering a great upheaval in 750AD. Now, I think your people could be the descendants of _that_ civilization."

_The historian._

"How did you incorporate the three-dimensional nature of the information? Of course. You measured the element's distance from a central point. Degrees from zero around in a circle, and height above the floor."

_The scientist._

"How do you ensure universal communication? You reduce the method of communication to the most basic elements common to everyone and everything that exists in the universe. Jack, this is a true universal language."

_The scholar._

"Now, on the outer track these figures that you would believe to be words to be translated were…in fact…were in fact star constellations."

_Sometimes thought to be brilliant._

"I was just thinking that maybe you'd want to put Urgo in you."

_With a tendency to think outside the box._

"The truth is our defense."

_A little naïve._

"Well something about this place says we all shouldn't rush in there waving guns around."

_And then sometimes not._

_I had grown over time, and changed. I was no longer the "geek," the inept linguistic archaeologist that had started out on that first mission to Abydos. No, a lot had changed. I had changed. It scared me. I felt…I felt as if I was losing an important part of myself._

_How does one cope with the death of their soul?_

Daniel pushed harder, forcing away his thoughts and feelings, desperately attempting to find the solitude of nothingness.

Was that what he had sought on that fateful day?

_I didn't want to die. But I had become so…disillusioned._

He'd remembered all the fights, all the times he'd come back from a mission wondering, why, why, why? What was the point anymore? Traveling through the Gate seemed to have lost all its meaning. There was no life, no vibrancy anymore. All it held was the stench of death.

"I believe my entire life has been a failure."

_The failure._

That thought stung hard, causing Daniel to clutch the side of the bed with despair. Everything had culminated into that one statement, hadn't it? His entire life. His entire career…

_I don't want to be that person!_

No, he didn't. He didn't want to be a failure. He didn't want to feel worthless.

Why had it come to this? How had he gone from someone who could find every possible alternative to death and yet could not prevent his own demise? How? Why?

Why in the end no matter what he tried, he still felt alone?

_I don't want to be alone anymore._

_I never really wanted to die._

_I just wanted a place to truly belong._

* * *

"Daniel?"

Stifling a yawn, Daniel slowly opened his eyes. His vision blurred, and he felt slightly dizzy, but he was able to make out the form that was seated next to him.

"Sam?" he asked sleepily.

"Hi," she said with a smile. "I heard you talking so I had come by to see you. I hadn't realized you were still sleeping."

He paled, wondering how long she had been there and what she could have possibly heard.

"Don't worry," she said, sliding a tray in front of him. " It sounded like Russian."

He looked down at his tray, blinking a few times as he struggled to clear his vision. "What's this?"

She pointed to the bowl. "Soup."

He raised his eyebrows.

"Hey," she started defensively. "I know you're not sick. But when I was little, soup always made me feel better, even when I wasn't sick and just had a lot of my mind. So did chocolate, but you ate all my chocolate."

"That was good chocolate," he admitted, licking his lips.

"I am glad you enjoyed it, but now soup will have to do."

He glanced down at the soup and sighed. He didn't have the heart to tell Sam he didn't want any company right now, let alone a bowl of whatever the hell this stuff was. He took the spoon and stirred the mixture, watching the clumps of vegetables bob around the broth.

"God, Daniel, it's not some science experiment," Sam joked.

"I guess I'm just not that hungry," he said dejectedly.

"That's okay." Sam seized the soup before he could give it a second thought. She shoved it over on the end table that was by the side of his bed, and grabbed his glasses, handing them to him. "I figured you were going to say something like that so I brought this."

Daniel slipped on his glasses and stared at the box in her hands. "A puzzle?" he asked.

She nodded, shaking the box.

"Don't you have work you need—"

"I've been told that I work too much and that I needed to take a break," she muttered, prying open the box.

"Ah, Jack locked you out of your lab again," he said with a smile.

"I wouldn't take it lightly, Daniel. I saw him with your key card too."

Daniel frowned at that comment as he watched Sam spread some of the puzzle pieces down on his tray.

"How did he get them?"

"I think he managed to get to Teal'c," she answered, shaking her head. She stared at a conjoined puzzle piece before tossing it on the tray. "My theory is that Teal'c has been acting as his informant for some time."

"Spy on the inside, then."

"Who knows what other information he could have divulged," she said, grinning.

He smiled back. Anyone listening to this conversation would surely think some alien device had compromised them. In some ways, this was fun, and struck a chord deep within him. But in other ways, it caused him sadness, and allowed that sense of guilt to start creeping back.

"You know, Sam, I really appreciate that you came by to see me, but—"

"I see it two ways," she said, interrupting him. "I can either dictate the mathematical patterns and probability of each and every puzzle piece in relation to each other, or we could have fun and do the puzzle." She arched an eyebrow at him, her blue eyes cool and knowing. "Which will it be?"

He sighed, sending her a mock glare. "The puzzle."

"Good."

"So what's the picture we're putting together?"

She held up the box and grinned.

"Oh, a pyramid."

"Oh, a pyramid? I thought you would be more excited than that."

"I am. I am." He smiled softly, appreciating the gesture. "Just a little tired."

She appeared concerned. "Maybe if you ate some—Hi, Teal'c."

Daniel turned to watch Teal'c enter the infirmary and step to the side of his bed. He bowed slightly.

"Good day, DanielJackson. Did you enjoy a restful sleep?"

"Yes," he lied.

Teal'c nodded, and then halted, arching his eyebrow as he regarded Daniel knowingly. Feeling his face redden, Daniel looked down and fingered the puzzle pieces.

"Teal'c, we are about to work on a puzzle. Did you want to join us?" Sam asked hopefully.

"I do not understand," Teal'c stated, examining one of the puzzle pieces and then eyeing the box in Sam's hands. "It appears this picture is broken."

"It's a puzzle, Teal'c. It's supposed to be broken," Sam told him.

He seemed more confused.

"You put it together," Daniel explained. "To make the picture."

"I see." He grabbed a chair and pulled it to the opposite side of Daniel's bed. "Then I would be honored to join you in this puzzle making."

"Great," Sam said cheerfully. "Okay, so the trick is to find the pieces that correlate and then fit them together."

Teal'c picked up two pieces and stared at them. "How does one know which pieces are to be fit together?"

"Well, that's the fun part, Teal'c," Sam said pointing to the pieces. "You have to sift through all the pieces to find the right ones."

Teal'c stared at her.

"It's fun," she replied to his silent question.

"This does not appear to be fun." He surveyed the tray. "In fact, this appears most tedious."

Daniel chuckled. "It actually _is_ fun, Teal'c."

"I do not understand who would do such a thing," he said, motioning to the picture.

"But it is fun," Daniel said persuasively. "Just try it."

"If you insist, DanielJackson."

"Okay, Teal'c, you take—"

Sam stopped mid-sentence as the sound of blaring klaxons filled the halls. Quickly, she jumped to her feet, and ran to the exit, following Teal'c. Glancing over her shoulder, she threw Daniel a curt apologetic look.

He understood. Duty called.

And here he was, sitting in bed.

Well, this just wouldn't do anymore.

Tired and sore from lying in the same position for so long, Daniel swung his legs over the side of the bed, testing his feet one at a time. He seemed to be steady, and he noted the lack of dizziness, which was a good sign.

He knew he'd promised Jack he would stay here. He promised. He wasn't going to go anywhere. Just for a little walk around the infirmary. That was all.

Daniel stumbled forward, clutching his head, ignoring the watchful gaze of one of the SF's that had been tailing him for days. He was sure they were about as happy babysitting him as he was.

"Be right back," he told the woman, motioning to the facilities.

With a yawn, he fumbled for the door, only to jerk away when he heard a rush of activity behind him.

The infirmary was packed. People were everywhere, restrained or being restrained. He could even hear people moaning and screaming from some of the private rooms. Had he missed something? He must have passed out, or lost time or…

He frowned watching a marine being wheeled away covered in what appeared to be…

The Touched virus.

_Oh no_, he thought.

Daniel edged away from the man, slipping past all the commotion. He moved where it was quieter, and where he could stay clear of the contagion.

Okay, so how had he ended up in the hallway?

Walking slowly, he pondered the many thoughts that were whirling in his mind. He felt so detached, and the dizziness had started to creep back in again. Ignoring the sensation, and pushing back the pain, he continued forward, keeping a watchful eye for anything suspicious.

"All debts have been paid," he heard echoing through his head.

There was a sudden click in his mind. Breaking into a run, he tore down the corridor. Why had she done this? Why, now, just when he thought he could feel again?

Daniel gasped, feeling himself slow as if a tremendous weight had been thrown onto his shoulders. It burned, pulling down harder and harder. He blinked at his surrounding, feeling as if he should be surprised that he was no longer in the SGC. But he wasn't.

Stumbling, he tried to regain his composure, but he crumpled to the floor, feeling the weight of the naquadah bringing him down. He called out, trying to explain to Sam and Jack…something wasn't right. Something with the armband?

When he regained consciousness, he realized he was back in the SGC again. A little unsteady, he rose to his feet, feeling a sudden urgency to get to the guest quarters. There was some problem with the Goa'uld staying for the treaty; he couldn't allow anything to disrupt these proceedings.

He broke into a jog, and then to a run, grabbing a flashlight, feeling the pressure to make it out of the ziggurat as quickly as possible. The ceiling wasn't secure, and he coughed from all the debris that was falling all around him.

They had to help the Tok'ra evacuate.

Just a moment, just one, away from the system lords so he could communicate to Jacob. Sarah was here. There was another Goa'uld.

They had to get to Jack before another alien waved their arms and made someone disappear.

No, right behind him…hide quickly.

He heard the footsteps, gaining momentum as the person broke into a steady run. Daniel dodged to his right, dashing into the nearest room. Gasping for air, he stumbled, tripping over something in the darkness and crashed into metal shelving of some sort. He cried out, feeling material shift. Holding his head, he braced for it, wincing in pain as a box smacked into his back.

"Daniel?"

He paused, gasping for air.

"Jack?"

He heard tentative shuffling. "Whatcha doin'?"

"Don't put the light on!"

"Why?"

Daniel sighed nervously, glancing around the room, squinting in the darkness. "Just-just leave it off." He licked his lips, pushing away the box that fell on him. "Where am I?"

"You don't know?"

He sighed again. "No."

No, no. He didn't know. He didn't even know how he had gotten here. Everything was so jumbled.

"Why don't I put the lig—?"

"When I was little, when I felt overwhelmed, or scared, or angry, I would go and hide someplace cool and dark," he confessed, interrupting Jack. "I became very good at hiding, and only could be found when I wanted to be found."

"So I've noticed," Jack said wryly. "That's what's happening now?"

"Somewhat," he admitted, feeling embarrassed. "And somewhat not."

"What?"

Biting his lip, Daniel took the object he was holding and slid it across the floor. It made an audible thud when it hit what he believed to be Jack's boot.

"Please tell me that is a flashlight or something."

Jack bent over and picked up the object, turning it over in his hand. "Well, it's definitely an "or-something." There was a pause for silence. "How did you get the gun, Daniel?"

Holding his head, he moaned, shaking his shoulders as he attempting to fight off the coming sobs. A gun. Lovely. How had he managed to grab a gun? What if he had fired?

"Daniel?"

"A minute ago, I tried talking into it."

The tension was palpable. Daniel felt eternally grateful that the he was shrouded both in darkness and in silence. He shook, trying to block out the images and insecurities he felt creeping into him.

"Geez, Daniel," Jack said at last, his voice nearly breaking. "I told you to stay in the infirmary. You gave me your word."

"I know. I know I did."

"You could have hurt someone. Or yourself," Jack said darkly, holding the gun.

"I know that! I don't even remember taking it! All I remember are lots of jumbled thoughts. It's all over before I can get a handle on what's happening!"

Jack didn't respond.

"God, Jack, where the hell am I?"

"Storeroom," Jack said weakly.

Oh God…

"I didn't-I didn't hurt anyone, did I?"

"Nothing severe. You knocked out one of the SF's before I saw you run in here." There was another pause. "Déjà vu all over again," he said quietly.

"Yeah."

Daniel heard more movement, slow at first, then with what felt like renewed steadiness. He tensed slightly as he felt his shame return. How could he continue to live like this? What if he had actually…

"Listen, Daniel, I know you're going through a lot here, and—" Jack paused, his voice cut off by a crunching sound. "What was that?"

"I think you just stepped on my glasses," Daniel commented mournfully.

"Sorry."

"It's okay."

More silence. Daniel squirmed uneasily before finally admitting defeat, and dropped his head into his hands. The headaches were becoming unbearable now, and the thoughts in his mind kept swirling in an eddy of confusion, all fighting for dominance. Even if he made it through this nightmare, he doubted he would leave with a shred of sanity.

Daniel lifted his head, wiping some of his tears away as he felt warmth by his side.

"Hey, push over."

He obliged, sighing as he slid against the wall and rested his head on along the side of the metal shelving. He remained silent, watching and waiting for the next flashback to ravage him.

"So?"

"So what, Jack? What do you expect me to say?"

"Tell me what's happening."

He shook his head, refusing to face the older man, even in the dark. What was he supposed to say anyway?

"Nothing," he mumbled.

"Oh, nothing. That's right. I forgot. Everything is perfectly fine," he muttered sarcastically.

"Jack, look. This is my problem and I have to deal with it in my way."

"That's the problem! You aren't dealing with it!" He felt Jack shift his body weight. "You just keep pushing it away. What are you afraid of anyway?"

"I'm not afraid," he snapped.

"Then, what was that little bit you went off about a couple of minutes ago about hiding and all that? Just for my amusement? I don't find that too amusing."

"Yes, Jack, this is all fun and games for me. Now leave me alone."

"No, I don't think so. Leaving you alone is not an option this time."

Daniel didn't really know how to answer, but felt his anger outweigh the shock. What he should have said was how grateful he was for Jack's continued support, especially now. That's really what he should have said.

Of course he didn't.

How difficult was it to try to console a man that couldn't remember the man he used to be? Would he be so patient if their roles were reversed? And what was he thinking? Jack was never patient. Ever. Everything was always on Jack's terms. Why did Jack have to grate at his nerves so much? If he wanted to be alone, he wanted to be alone.

"Why? Why can't you leave me alone?"

"Because I know deep down, it's not what you want."

"How the hell do you know what I want?"

"Daniel…"

"Jack! I can't do this anymore!" he cried suddenly, feeling his body tremble. "I can't rest. I can't sleep. It's all flashbacks that hurt, and come together. I can't tell whatever is real or imagined, or what I am doing anymore! I don't even make any sense!"

"You got to let it go, Daniel," Jack told him, his voice softening a notch. "You can't keep fighting this or you're going to hurt yourself."

"Fight what? What am I fighting?"

"Oh, I think you know. We both know."

Daniel did not answer, but he felt his heart thumping hard. Suddenly, feeling restless, he didn't know what to do with himself. He wanted to get up and walk away and at the same time, he didn't want to leave.

_I am insane_, he told himself. _I have really lost my mind this time._

Choking back a sob, he dropped his head into his hands. He hated being like this. He hated feeling so weak. He hated that others saw him this way.

"Daniel?"

He shook his head, trying to give Jack the hint, but didn't know how successful he'd been in the dark.

"Hey, you know, people hate change. They try to fight it. Some people are better at handling it than others," Jack said softly. "You've always handled change rather well, better than the rest of us. If you stop fighting, fighting everything, you'll be okay."

Words of wisdom from Jack. What alien virus had poisoned him this time? He must have really screwed up for Jack to drop the dumb façade and get right to the point. With a sigh, Daniel dropped his head down between his knees, wrapping his arms around his body.

"Problem is…I don't really remember what I was like. Fully."

_I don't want to be that person!_

"Look, Daniel." He felt a hesitant grip on his shoulder. "I really haven't a clue what is going on in that big head of yours unless you share. But I can take a guess. I know…I know that there is a lot about you, you before what happened, that isn't pretty. I know that. I wish we could take it all back. But it's there and you got to face it." He cleared his throat. "Once you do. Once it's over…well, I mean—ultimately, you're the one to decide right? You can't ignore all the events and stuff that made you, you can't ever forget it, but you can decide whether you move on and overcome that stuff, or whether you stay stuck in that forever."

Daniel choked back a sob, but at the same time, he felt strangely light. Shocked. Flabbergasted. Awestruck…

Jack wasn't just spewing out words to make him feel better. He just wasn't preaching information he'd read somewhere in a Reader's Digest. He wasn't even just speaking the words of a mourning friend.

These were words based in experience.

Charles Tyler O'Neill. Charlie.

It was something they never really talked about, he remembered, feeling the chill of old memories creeping up his spine. Just an understanding between the two of them. Sure, by now, many people knew what had happened to Charlie and the grief and turmoil that Jack had gone through, but not many people really understood the extent of that grief. Daniel had been able to remember fairly early the focus of that grief, and the reasoning behind Jack's enlistment for the first Abydos mission, and he cursed himself for talking about it in such a detached and curious manner. He couldn't help it. Any information had been new to him, and he had relished it with great enthusiasm. Any amnesiac would.

But he hadn't been able to comprehend the depth, or the meaning that was attached to it. To some extent, he still couldn't and most of it was a haze, well beyond even a distant memory. But bits of it were returning, and he could appreciate the power and wisdom that Jack was capable of possessing.

Now, why didn't he just show it more often?

"Daniel?"

He couldn't answer him. He couldn't possibly answer to _that_.

He was the one to decide. His decision. In the end, he could be who he wanted to be. Sounded so cliché. Maybe there were deep truths hidden in clichés. Maybe that's why Jack seemed to live and breathe them.

"Hey, Daniel?" He was shaking his arm. "You alright there?"

So, he could really decide. Control.

He was in control.

"I'm in control," he repeated, this time aloud.

"Control? Yeah, no kidding. You've always been," Jack admitted, causing Daniel to turn his head. "And if anyone says otherwise, then they're an asshole."

Daniel replied with a short chuckle.

"Hey, not kidding," Jack answered, taking advantage of the shift in Daniel's mood. "You never follow my orders and you have this annoying habit of always being right."

"Not always," Daniel whispered, hoping his appreciation and sincerity shone through his voice.

Jack didn't answer that one.

Why was it neither of them could take a compliment? Why instead did they always seem to fight, bicker and squabble?

Maybe because that was their way to show how much they cared?

God, he was more dysfunctional than he initially thought. The journals and reports never covered details such as these.

Breathing out, he stared into the darkness and made a decision. His decision.

_I'm in control_, he reasserted to himself.

"Jack?" he began, suddenly angry and embarrassed that his voice was weak and cracking.

"Yeah?"

"Close the door."

"Excuse me?"

Inhaling deeply, he bit his lip and nodded to himself. Okay, you can do this. "I said, close the door. Close the door and keep the lights off."

"O-kay… Mind explaining why?"

"I will," he answered, nearly whispering.

Jack obliged without further question. Amazed, Daniel sat is silence, wondering how he had earned the other man's complete trust. It was like faith, at this point.

"Okay." Jack had returned, through some stumbling, and seated himself next to Daniel. "Now explain?"

"You're right, Jack." _Don't lose your nerve_, he told himself. "I can't go on like this."

"Daniel."

Now, that was a warning tone. Jack had become nervous. There was no doubt in his mind.

Pushing away the throbbing pain that pulsed in his head, Daniel continued. "No, not like that. Don't-don't worry." He bit his lip, feeling the insecurities chasing after him. He quickly shut them out. "I can't-I can't fight anymore. I can't run anymore. I want to, but I can't."

"It's easier to run," Jack said softly. "But we both know you're stronger than just running."

"Thanks," Daniel said weakly. Fight or flight, it was called. Perfectly natural reaction. "I know."

"So?"

Daniel froze again, feeling a shiver touch the nape of his neck. No, he was wrong. He couldn't do this. He couldn't face this.

_I don't want to be that person!_

"I'm scared," he blurted out quickly, before he had a chance to withdraw into himself.

"I know." Jack's hand was on his shoulder, again, and he was greeted with a comforting and reassuring squeeze. "Change is scary."

"More like terrifying." He swallowed hard, wringing his hands together nervously. He could do this. He had to do this. Come on…

"Jack, I'm afraid I am not going to like myself. In fact, I know I am not going to like what I was before I died. Things were bad, and you can't deny that."

"No," he said, his voice hollow. "I can't."

"I-I can't deal with being unable to live--?"

"What?"

"What if I can't meet everyone's expectations?" he blurted out abruptly.

"Whoa. What?" Jack's voice had the distinct sound of pain in it. "Expectations? What do you think I am, some sort of dictator or something?"

"Don't-don't make light of this. Don't act dumb now," Daniel muttered. "I just-I just don't want to mess things up."

"Keep obsessing on it, and you will," Jack muttered. "You think too much. What did I just say? You got to let it go."

"What if we pick up right where we'd left off? Would it have been worth me coming back?"

He instantly regretted those words.

"Don't you ever, EVER, say anything like that again, do you hear me?" Jack growled angrily, the darkness in his voice matching the room. There was a rage in that voice that made Daniel cower. Almost.

"But, see? What if this is it?" Daniel stated, unable to stop himself. "What if this is what will continue if I—"

"Daniel, I don't want to hear it." Now his voice was shaking. "We didn't just find you on some strange planet for no reason at all! Look, everyone, and I mean everyone, has their ups and downs. Even the wonderful Doctor Jackson. We had our moments. We all have. Oh, and I am sure we'll keep having them, too. I hate it as much as you, but it's normal, Daniel. Normal. Now, you've got to get that through your head or you'll never, ever, feel whole ever again. Do you get it?"

He couldn't. Why couldn't he wrap his brain around this concept? Supposedly, he could speak well over twenty-three languages, had multiple degrees, and had been referred to on more than one occasion as a walking encyclopedia…but he could not grasp such a simple concept?

"I can't!" Daniel cried exasperated. "What if—"

"No what if's, Daniel. Save that for the field. Save that for your research. Stop living in some limbo world and pull your act together."

"Pull my act together?" Now, he was livid. How dare he speak to him that way? "How dare—" He caught himself before he even finished vocalizing the thought. They were fighting again. Again!

"See? God, we're fighting again."

"Daniel…"

"No, don't. Just don't." He held his head, sizing up the pain. No, he wouldn't succumb.

"Look at you. You can't live like this way. You know that you can't. You're smarter than—"

"Jack! I don't want to go back! I was losing myself!" he yelled. "I was losing myself. Everything that I ever was. Nothing was important anymore. Nothing! Can't you understand that? Sha're was gone. Shifu was gone. Sarah was gone. Everyone was gone. Everything I held dear. And us? What happened to us? And Sam? And Teal'c? God, it was awful. Awful." Daniel was appalled. He just couldn't stop. It was as if someone had taken control of his mouth and would not relinquish control. "We used to be a team. We used to work together. We all valued each other. Not in the end. No, not at all. It was all wrong somehow. I don't know how. Did you even hear some of the things coming out of my mouth? I sounded like you! God, I was turning into you. You, of all people. I lost myself. We were all blurring into each other. Where was I? What happened to my individuality?"

Daniel stopped, allowing himself to catch his breath. Where the hell had that all come from?

"It's good to know how you finally feel," Jack said quietly.

Great, now look at the damage he had caused.

"I-I-no, I didn't mean it that way." He bit his lip, struggling for words. "You're-you're an experienced and capable leader. More than capable, really. You're seasoned, and intelligent. Your wit and cleverness are why the Asgard love you so much."

"And all this time, I thought it was because of my ass," he joked.

"Stop interrupting." He exhaled. "I'm-I'm serious. It's also why Hammond trusts you so much. Why Teal'c respects you. Why Sam admires you."

"And you?"

"I…I think…um."

"You're so eloquent when you speak. Now, I know why you're the linguist on the team."

Daniel sighed, massaging his throbbing temples. Jack was hurting. His voice cut with painful sarcasm. This was too much.

All too much.

Just push it away. Push it…

What was he doing?

Dizzy…

He awoke to find Jack's arms around him, while his head rested lazily on the older man's shoulder. Moaning, Daniel tried to move, bringing his hand to his head.

"Passed out?"

"Yeah," Jack answered, none too pleased. "Now, you're starting to scare me here."

"I scare myself," he muttered. Sighing, he pinched his nose, fighting against the lightheadedness he felt. "But sometimes it brings clarity."

"Really…starting to scare me. You got a headache? Damn, why didn't you say something? Let's get you to the infirmary."

"No."

"No?"

"No." He closed his eyes, allowing himself to drift momentarily. Not only was Jack right about his fears, but also Jack was right about his memories. Not that he wanted to admit it. Ever. But Jack deserved the credit at least once in awhile.

"I-I think you're right."

"It's about time," Jack glowered, tugging at Daniel's waist. "Now get up so we can get you back to the infirmary."

"No."

"No? Dammit, you just said—"

"No." He paused, his throat feeling like sandpaper. "I think I don't want to remember."

Jack remained quiet for a minute. Daniel said nothing to draw him out of his silence.

But it was true, wasn't it? At first, he'd tried so hard to remember who he was and hit nothing but a stone wall. He'd admitted to Sam that he had been nervous, that maybe he didn't want to remember who he was. Yet in the end, strengthened by her words and Jack's words, he'd agreed to leave Vis Uban and had come back to Earth with them.

Daniel thought he'd left that all behind him on Vis Uban.

Apparently not.

Why had Oma Desala wiped his memories anyway? Had she? Or was he responsible? Maybe something they both had agreed on? He barely remembered Oma Desala or her teachings of love and wisdom, but based on his notes and the impressions of his teammates, she seemed to care deeply for him. If that was the case, why this?

Could something else have gone wrong? Maybe she didn't want this to happen, but it had anyway? Had the Others intervened?

Maybe he never was supposed to have lost his memory and his subconscious held too much guilt and blocked them out? Maybe this was only temporary, so Oma could save face, and still watch over those she had helped to ascend?

Daniel choked, remembering the reports he'd read about Abydos and its inhabitants. Even though he couldn't remember well, he knew he felt close to Skaara and Kasuf, and the impact of his failure curled his stomach into knots. No one knew he knew. He was quite good at keeping it a secret. He hoped beyond all hope that they were all happy and safe now, and hoped that one day he could thank Oma for saving them where he had failed.

Failure. The fear of failure…was this what was holding him back?

_It often feels like the memories are right there in front of me, just out of reach_, he thought, thinking back to his many conversations with his friends.

They aren't out of reach, he realized. They are just waiting for him to accept them and he kept refusing it.

_I could have ended this long ago. What am I doing?_

"Alright," he said, feeling a little stronger. "I've decided."

"So, that's it then?" Jack's voice was biting. "That's your choice? Not to remember?"

"Noo," Daniel dragged out, releasing himself from Jack's grip. "I'm ready to accept it. All of it."

"Really?"

"No, not really," Daniel admitted. Exhaling nervously, he slid to the floor, resting his head on the cold concrete. "But it's something I have to do. Or you'll have to lock me up in Mental Health for real this time."

"Okay, that's not funny." There was a pause. "Daniel, what are you doing?"

"Getting ready," he answered simply. Daniel stretched out his arms and situated them next to his torso, and elongated his legs, so he was flat on the ground. "I'm going to need your help."

"Mind sharing?"

Daniel cracked his back and exhaled again. Boy, he was nervous.

"My memories are right there, Jack. Just waiting for me and I keep blocking them out. I'm scared," he admitted again, before Jack could interrupt him. "Very scared. But I have to do this. I have to let them come. I don't-I don't know what will happen and I need someone I can trust to hold me down in case I get out of control." Now his voice was starting to crack. "Okay? Can you do that, please?"

"Sure," he said softly. "I can do it."

Carefully, almost hesitantly, Jack moved on top on him, pinning Daniel's arms to the ground, and then holding Daniel's legs together between his knees.

"You do know if anyone walks in on us…"

Daniel chuckled. More blackmail material on the already "in-neck-deep" Colonel O'Neill.

"Just tell them you're doing CPR."

"Yeah, that'd work." Daniel heard a soft crack and a moan. Jack started to rub one of his knees. "You so owe me when this is over."

"I'll pay you back, don't worry." Daniel sighed.

"You okay? You ready for this?"

"No."

"Good, just checking." He paused, stopping to touch Daniel's arm. "So, what? Do you just like flick a switch or…"

"I have no idea." He suppressed the fluttering in his stomach. "I'm going to close my eyes now and see what happens."

"Say hi to Dorothy for me."

"Sure…"

Daniel allowed himself to drift, moving over and through the pain in his head, and past the light airy feeling that danced around his body.

It was warm, fuzzy, almost electric and made him invisible…no different.

The skull? The skull had done this to him?

Nick, no, please don't go Nick…

No? Not the skull? It was a device. To walk through walls. He was walking with Omac. It was incredible. Incredible…To the child, through the wall. He was there. So beautiful and so bright, so innocent. He could see Sha're in his eyes, in everything about him. Teaching him. Teaching him the truth about the power of the Goa'uld. Shifu had ascended. Oma would care for him. Oma and her power, her might and wisdom protecting the child. Like lightning in the sky. Down hard on the Jaffa below. But it was the Canon, and he had some ring that sent down the charge. Was it?

No, just a scabbed knee. He'd fallen. She was there, his mother, picking him up and cradling him softly. Soft, a blanket, so comforting during the desert nights. His father, reading to him. But, no, there was hard, aching…

The pain…the pain, like torture. It stuck to his mouth, the Blood of Sokar. Bleeding, he was bleeding everywhere, puck marks all over his skin. Like fire. The fires of hell.

No, he would never tell. Not through the pain. Never. Never give away that Teal'c was off with Nyan, no matter how they tortured him. Never even with the memory recall device. No, he wouldn't say.

A prisoner here. With Hathor. God, not Hathor again. Her lips, her touch…Ke'ra? Shyla? Hadante prison. The smells, the despair. All prisoners. In Netu. Trapped in hell. Captured by Klorel on his ship, heading for Earth.

No, he wouldn't let it happen. He had to get back to his own reality. How could he? Trapped here, the evening meal for some Unas. Chaka…captured. This was his fault. All his fault…Sha're, please forgive…

But the pain…the infirmary? Oh, his appendix. Jack and Sam were missing. Never came through the Gate. He would find them, he swore. He swore to find Sha're and Skaara. They would help Jack. He wouldn't die, an old man. Never. He actually agreed with Jack—Teal'c would not be sacrificed at the Cor-ai. His plea, his impassioned argument. The Tollan still refuse? But he was persistent. He kept asking the Nox questions, repeatedly.

The young do not always do as they are told…Cassie? Cassandra sent them back through the Gate, to their own time. Time? 1969? Where? Abydos? Cimmeria? Where??

No, Chicago. Steven. Sarah.

Osiris.

No, not right. His parents?? Why! Why replay this over and over in his mind? Like cheap software. New software…He would not leave him this way. He would not leave Jack alone with the knowledge of the Ancients. He would never leave him like this.

And as Janet cried and struggled over the possible loss of her daughter, he would be there. He was always there. Teal'c had confided in him. He told Sam he was always there to talk. Jack, in pain over the death of Teal'c.

Teal'c is alive! Apophis? Brainwashed. Where had they been? Therra? Tor? Jonah? No, Jack…

Daniel cried out, the pain and agony ripping through him. What? What was it? So painful. His head. Clenching his teeth, his forced his gaze upward, to the light and into…

A ribbon device. Sarah! No, Osiris. Klorel, it was Klorel. Damn Goa'uld, release Skaara! Ra? No, it was Osiris. Ra was killing him. Ammonet…Oh God, Sha're, no not this way.

My Daniel, hear me_…_

Sha're, no, please Sha're don't die and leave me…

Death. All around him. The stench…

Body pounding, the alarms blaring. It needed to be disabled. Jack, Sam, Teal'c—they would all die. All these people would die. He fired repeatedly, breaking through the shattering glass.

No more death. Daniel ran and darted between Ra's Jaffa and Colonel O'Neill, waving his arms.

Staff blast…a flare. Cutting…searing…

"Jack!"

Dying, he was dying. Jack stood there, his face frozen, seized with pain, knowing the truth, knowing there was no hope. Jack didn't want to leave him. He never left anyone behind. God, the pain was numbing him…

"I'll stay…and watch your back," Daniel whispered.

_I'm dying, I'm dying, I'm dying…_

"Stop killing me!"

Sarcophagus. Klorel's…Dragging this dead weight.

Where? Shyla has a sarcophagus? Wait no, not dead? He checked his body. Ra's ship…it could save Sha're…

"Wait for me."

No…no…I need it. I need it. They're killing me. I need to go back. Why can't they see it? I need it!

The light…so beautiful…

"…can't get it back…"

Stop! No! The pain. It hurts. It hurts so much. So numb…Oma…

Oma…Oma Desala…Oma…Omaroca! The pain, like needles…Omaroca!

"I believe my entire life has been a failure."

_NO!_

"I want to go with you."

Warmth, kindness… a way to escape the pain and the hopelessness. The despair. All those he cared about. All those he loved. All those he reached out to—nothing but death and loneliness. Nothing but death and failure. Disappointment. He's disappointed them all.

"You stupid son of a bitch," he muttered, sobbing over Reese's body.

Peace and sincerity…a place to finally belong, to make change, to do something worthwhile.

_I don't want to be that person!_

The pain! Pain…

He sobbed, crying as the pain tore through him. He was bleeding, the sores, he could barely breathe…choking…blood…

_Oma, why? Why?_

He continued to sob, feeling as if the pain would finally tear him in two. Sam was crying. Teal'c…Jack admired him?

"Spacemonkey."

_Oh God, Oh God…_

His skin so raw. Medication could not help anymore. Bubbling, festering, his lungs were filling…

"I'll be seeing you around, Doctor Jackson."

He was shaking. He was dying. He was surely dying. Jack was reaching for him…holding him. Stop, stop killing me, he thought…Soothing me. He was soothing him. Calming him in the throes of darkness, through the addiction. But Oma was calling for him. This failed experiment known as his life would end now.

_I am not going to be that person!_

Daniel screamed out as the throbbing seized him, and he jerked, before slumping into quiet nothingness.

_Release your burden…_

"Wha-?" Daniel breathed, trying to swat the spots from his eyes. He was shaking, trembling uncontrollably, his heart thumping as if it would leap from his chest. He couldn't tell if he was sitting, or standing, or lying down and felt like he was floating. Through mud, that is. No, not mud. He was wrapped in a blanket. In white gauze.

Then, a sudden cold shiver ran down his spine. The smell of sweat, plastic, the biting taste of iron in his mouth…

_I'm dying!_

He tensed, clutching desperately to the warmth, the life in front of him.

"Daniel?"

"Jack?" Daniel asked, muffled as he talked into the older man's shoulder. He felt a swell of panic. "I don't want to die," he said, nearly choking.

"Yeah, it's me," Jack answered, though his voice was quiet. Far-off. Distant…"You're not dying. Not this time."

"No, there's no other way," he whispered, holding on tightly. The ache, the hollowness. "I'm sorry."

"Not dying, Daniel," Jack said softly. "You're here with me at the SGC. Alive and well. Remember?"

Daniel frowned, pulling through his muddled thoughts.

"Where am I?"

"Uh…" Jack hesitated, causing Daniel's heart to thunder nervously. "You don't remember?" he asked cautiously.

"No. I mean, yeah…" He answered, some of the panic subsiding as the cool chill of fatigue took control. "Just dizzy."

"Then, let me lie you down."

"Lie down?" Daniel forced his sleepy eyes open, trying to make sense of his surroundings through the darkness. Wasn't he lying down already?

"You're one hard man to hold down," Jack admitted.

He realized at this point he was clutching Jack, his fingers digging into the older man's arms and now sweat soaked shirt.

Daniel was a sopping mess.

"Oh," Daniel whispered. "I'm sorry."

"S'okay. Lie down."

"Are you sitting on me?"

Jack sighed, an irritated sigh. "My knees gave out. You asked me to do this."

Daniel felt Jack release him, gently placing him on the cool concrete floor. "I asked you to hold me down in case I needed it. Not to sit on me and cut off my circulation." Daniel grunted. "I don't think I'll ever feel my legs again."

"Sorry."

He thought he heard Jack mutter something to the effect of "ungrateful" or "bitchy."

With a sigh, Daniel closed his eyes, bringing his hands to his face to wipe off the beads of sweat that had formed there. He felt cold, and hot, tired, but energetic and amazingly clean and clear.

"So, uh, Daniel?" The nervousness was back. "What's the verdict?"

"The Wonderful Wizard sends his regards."

"Oh does he? What about Dorothy?"

"She ran off with the Scarecrow."

"Damn," Jack swore. "I guess she's just too young for me. Though, she's probably two timing him with the Cowardly Lion."

Daniel attempting to chuckle, but coughed instead. "You do realize we're talking about the sex lives of fictional movie characters in the storeroom of a military base underneath a mountain."

"So we are. Imagine that."

"Yeah."

After that, Daniel held his silence, taking a few moments to clear his head. Still somewhat jumbled, like a puzzle missing some pieces, but surprisingly in tact. And the pain? Gone. No more headache. He hadn't gone insane. To his knowledge.

He sighed. It was going to take quite some time to process all these feelings and information.

But Jack was waiting. What could he possibly say?

"I'm sorry," Daniel said at last.

"Sorry?" Daniel heard another cracking sound, along with swearing, as Jack slid down to sit beside him. "Why are you apologizing? It's just a little sweat."

"You know what I mean," Daniel said wearily, fanning his body with his damp shirt. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. The grief that I caused. The trouble I got us into."

"Or the times you saved our asses…"

With a smile, Daniel rested his arms by his side. The good times and the bad, right?

"I guess I've-I've been a little blind," He continued, his voice nearly inaudible, even to himself. "Things had gotten so bad that I didn't realize how much I could hurt everyone by leaving. But, by the same token, you do understand that I didn't have much choice, right? If I had stayed, I would have been a cripple, Jack. I didn't think I could contribute much that way."

"I know," he said quietly.

"And don't feel guilty about the Kelownan naquadria bomb. Someone had to do it or we would have all died."

"Might have knocked some sense into those damn—"

"Jack…"

"Yeah, yeah. I know." He paused and Daniel thought he heard a more severe curse. "It's just…a bad judgment call on my part. I should have—"

"What? You should have done it? What good would that have done?" Daniel pointed out. "Then you would be dead. And if you'd left Teal'c or Sam, then they would be dead too. It was a no win situation. I just got lucky that Oma Desala had been watching me."

"I wouldn't call it just luck," Jack muttered. "You're just…better than us."

Better? Daniel blinked. Grumbling, he rolled onto his side, trying to muster enough strength to press himself to his feet. Jack simply eased him back down.

"Don't," Daniel said, but didn't resist the comfort of lying down. "Don't belittle yourself like that."

"It's true."

"No, it isn't. Sam's brilliant. Teal'c is brave. And you're…"

"What?"

Daniel swore, feeling the coolness prick at his neck. He was a linguist. An expert on several cultures. He could tell you all you need to know about ancient Egyptian cooking habits. And yet, he could not seem to mutter anything coherent when it came to feelings and compliments?

Dysfunctional just wasn't the right word.

"Uh. Let's just say that in the middle of a bad—uh, real nasty situation, I, uh, I wouldn't want anyone else by my, um—you know. Side."

Jack was silent. Then he started to snigger.

"Hey, I'm not good at this stuff."

"Neither am I, but that was just bad. Remind me never to recommend you for any more speech writing."

"Jack, you really are an ass."

"Thank you. At least that made sense."

There was another long pause between them, but it suited Daniel just fine. That was their way. Between the bickering and the long pauses, and the glares and heartfelt glances, they had an understanding. They always did. It's just sometimes feelings, events, and the hard times got in the way.

Not anymore. He couldn't allow that anymore.

He felt as if something had finally been lifted from him, and that maybe he really was going to be okay. Someday.

"So, really, you okay?"

"Think so," Daniel answered, rubbing his eyes. "I've got most—" He made a gesture with his head and then stopped, realizing they were in darkness. "Most of it's here, just some holes." He frowned. "Nothing from when I was Ascended, though."

"Give it time."

"Yeah." He breathed out, feeling suddenly very worn and fatigued. "It's going to take time, isn't it? You, me, the team. Everything."

"Yeah. But it'll be okay. Time will make it better, right?"

Like a second chance. Or a new start. He could handle that.

"Now, just lie still and I am going to call a medical team to bring you back. Must be going crazy wondering where the hell we went."

"Okay. But no wheelchair. I don't want to be wheeled out of here."

Within minutes, a medical team had flooded the storeroom, checking his vitals and poking him with he couldn't remember how many needles. Janet was asking him a myriad of questions, and he answered in kind, even though his mind was elsewhere.

Was that a stretcher? No, that was even more embarrassing than the wheelchair.

Mumbling, Daniel protested as he was placed on the stretcher, nearly pleading to the staff that he was in perfect health.

Janet had them trained well. They would not budge.

But even his protests were weak, as he turned his attention to Jack. He was standing near by, barking some orders to some of Janet's nursing staff, ticking off Janet in the process.

Some things would never change.

Daniel smiled. Jack said it would be okay. Jack trusted him, and had faith in Daniel to overcome this slump. If that was the case, then he was confident that he would pull himself out of this. This was his second chance.

"Jack?"

"Yeah?" he asked, coming to walk beside him. "What's the matter?"

"What I said before, about, uh…" He licked his lips. "Uh, about you. That wasn't entirely true," he whispered. "There are a lot of things I admire…like your leadership skills. We can't help but rub off on each other, I guess. I was just angry that I was losing an important part of myself somewhere along the way."

"Doc!" Jack yelled, but with a sly smirk in Daniel's direction. "What did you give him? He's babbling nonsense here."

Daniel frowned, arching his eyebrows as he regarded Jack curiously.

"Can't copy what you've already got, right?"

His smile was devious.

Grinning, Daniel gave him the thumbs up sign before effectively passing out from exhaustion.

Yes, he was truly going to be just fine.

_

* * *

Epilogue (After "Orpheus")_

Daniel ran his hand over a Swedish pendant he'd acquired years ago, given to him by a colleague from his undergraduate days. The pendant depicted what he had concluded to be Freyja, who was in turn wearing a beautiful gold necklace called the Brisingamen, a wonderful treasure supposedly created by handy dwarves.

As he stared at the craftsmanship of the pendant, he couldn't help but think back to the K'tau and how they were faring. How had they adapted after overcoming the near disaster to their planet? If they were to study the pendant he held now, what would they think? Did they recognize Freyja, wife of Freyr? How did gender work in the Asgard society? And who were the dwarves? Another race? Or just myth, like the time the K'tau thought they were elves?

Sighing, Daniel placed the metal accessory in soft tissue paper, wrapping it carefully. He would probably never know, he thought dejectedly as he slowly placed the artifact in a cardboard box. The nature of his position just didn't allow him to have everything. He learned to accept that fact long ago.

But he would never trade his place on the flagship SG team for anything else in the world. At least, not anymore.

"Hey, here."

Daniel paused, listening to the whispering outside his quarters on base. Quietly, he walked to the end of the room, and focused his attention to the conversation outside.

"Sir?"

"Here, I said. You give it."

"You want me to give Daniel a box of chocolates?" Sam asked.

"Yeah. Well, you're a girl and all. It should come from you."

"A woman," she emphasized staunchly. "And that shouldn't matter. Why don't you give it to him? People will talk if I do it."

"More people will talk if I do it, so you do it," Jack hissed.

"I do not understand this ritual," Teal'c interjected.

"Often here in the States, and some other countries, people give each other chocolates as a sign of affection, or to make amends for something they might have done wrong," Sam explained.

"For which reason are we giving DanielJackson chocolates?"

"Uh, for both, I guess," Jack said quietly. "I wasn't too pleased with his Ascension talk lately."

Quietness had overcome his friends, and Daniel suddenly felt a twinge of guilt prick at his brain. He had not really understood just how deeply his friends had missed him while he was gone, or even realized his worth to the team and the SGC.

Things had been going well since he'd returned, and especially since he'd accepted his past and his memories, but when the first of his Ascended memories began to nag at him…

Sometimes he just could be so blind. Sometimes he didn't think before he spoke.

"You speak of the imprisonment of Rya'c and Bra'tac," Teal'c stated.

"Well, no. Not exactly. Believe me, Teal'c, I'm glad that worked out for the best. I just mean--I thought we'd gotten past all that I-could-have-done-more-if-I-were-Ascended crap."

"I'm sure Daniel is just trying to adjust, sir," Sam said, her voice sounding as if she was reassuring herself.

"I believe that he has."

"Excuse me?"

"Just recently, DanielJackson confided in me that he had believed he could accomplish more if he were Ascended."

"We already knew that, Teal'c," Sam said pointedly.

"However, DanielJackson also informed me that he has realized this was not the case and that he has found that he truly does belong here with the SGC."

"Really?" Sam asked hopefully, her voice cutting through Daniel.

"Indeed," Teal'c responded.

"He told you that? For real? Why did he tell you?" Jack asked, almost defensive. "Hey, why are you just telling us now?"

"DanielJackson provided me with this information in confidence. I only speak of it now due to the nature of this conversation."

"Wow," Sam said.

"Yeah, that's, uh, good to know. So, about these chocolates…"

"I do not see the problem, O'Neill." There was a pause. "If these chocolates are a symbol of love and affection, then I would be honored to present DanielJackson with such a gift."

Daniel couldn't help but smile.

"Usually, it's sort of done in a romantic way," Jack added.

"I see."

"Yeah, so…here you go, Carter. Have fun."

"No, I-Sir? This box is heart shaped."

"So?"

"So? Valentine's Day was months ago." He heard shuffling. "You're giving Daniel old chocolate?"

"It's chocolate! It's perfectly fine. He won't taste the difference. I doubt they have much chocolate Upstairs."

"Upstairs?" Teal'c questioned.

"Sir…is this box taped? It is taped!" she exclaimed in a huff. "You opened this."

"Those bastards," Jack muttered. "I paid good money for that chocolate."

"So, not only are you giving Daniel old chocolate, probably bought on discount, you opened it too?" She snorted. "Remind me never to accept any gifts from you."

"Indeed. A true gift is not often tampered with before presentation, O'Neill."

"Yeah, but what do you know?" Jack bit sarcastically. "It's the thought that counts."

Stifling all out laughter, Daniel chewed on his lip. He really couldn't take much more of this. He had to end this debacle now.

Opening the door, Daniel faked a surprised gasp, staring at the chocolate box caught between Sam and Jack's hands.

"Is that chocolate?" he asked.

"Hi, Daniel," Sam greeted sheepishly.

"Of course it's chocolate," Jack said while he rolled his eyes. "How long have you been listening?"

Daniel ignored him, taking the box from their hands and unwrapping the red wrap that covered the casing. He couldn't help but chuckle as he ripped off the crude tape Jack had plastered all over the backside of the heart. Once he had managed to make his way through the tangled mess, he opened the box itself, scanning over the variety of chocolates inside.

"Uh…"

Sam's mouth dropped open and she looked into the box. "Sir? You ate some?"

"Huh? You mean there are some missing?" Jack asked offhandedly, peering into the box.

"You ate all the creams, Jack."

"What? Me?" He pulled his most innocent face. Then, it darkened as he regarded Daniel carefully. "How the hell can you tell just by looking?"

Daniel glared at him.

"Right, I forgot. Mr. Archaeologist here is an expert on excavating chocolate boxes."

"I've seen a lot in my career," Daniel mumbled, picking through the box. He sighed. "Caramels."

"I love caramels," Sam said with a grin, popping one in her mouth.

"And the coconut ones are there, too." Jack informed him.

"No one likes coconut, sir."

"What is this coconut of which you speak?"

Jack eyed the box and pointed. Daniel shook his head and motioned to a different chocolate. Jack nodded, rolling his eyes, and handed the selected candy to Teal'c. "Coconut. Here, try it."

Teal'c eyed him suspiciously. "If you will not partake of the coconut, then why shall I?"

"Different strokes for different folks," Jack answered.

Teal'c stared at him.

"He means, people have different tastes and appetites, so you might like it." Daniel motioned with a slight nod of his head to the candy Teal'c held. "I've eaten coconut before. It's not my favorite, but it's not bad."

Teal'c seemed to consider this, and carefully placed the chocolate in his mouth. "This coconut of which you speak is most…" Teal'c chewed some more. "The coconut has a interesting texture." His face soured. "And a most displeasing flavor."

"Oh, well," Jack said. "That happ—"

All three of them stared, mouths open, as Teal'c removed the soggy piece from his mouth and placed it back in the box.

"Oh, for cryin' out loud, Teal'c, you don't put it back!"

"Well, I guess then we've all had enough chocolate for the day," Daniel announced, turning his heels as he re-entered his room. He placed the box on the table, and allowed enough room for the others to follow him. "So, what can I do for you?"

Jack scratched his neck, looking around Daniel's base quarters. "We just came by to, you know…"

"The colonel wanted to give you chocolate," Sam said with a grin.

Jack shot her a look that could only be described as murderous.

"I appreciate the chocolate, guys. I really do."

"Good," Jack said with a smirk, rocking on his heels. "Glad to hear."

"Even if you ate all the creams."

Sam chuckled, sitting on the edge of his bed. "Hey, Daniel, if it makes you feel better, I'll order you a whole box of imported—" Her voice cut off suddenly as she stared at one of the tables that furnished his room.

Jack and Teal'c were eyeing the table now as well.

"Going somewhere, Daniel?" Jack asked guardedly.

"Uh…" His gaze settled on a cardboard box, filled with some of his personal belongings. "No."

"No, huh? Good to know you're on the ball with the honesty bit," Jack muttered angrily.

"I'm just organizing," Daniel told him. "I'm not going anywhere just yet."

"Yet?" Sam asked nervously. She stopped, frowning, as she sifted through some newspaper on the bed. "Ads? Are you looking for an apartment?"

"Not exactly…"

Now, Sam, Teal'c and Jack were all exchanging nervous glances. He sighed. Daniel supposed to would take some time before they were completely comfortable with him again and realized he had no intention of leaving.

"Actually, I was thinking about a house."

"A house?" Jack's jaw almost dropped to the floor.

"Wow, Daniel, a house? That's a big step for you," Sam told him, flipping through a real estate book he had ordered.

"Yeah, I know," he said almost shyly. "But, I was looking for something…Well, I was looking for something more permanent."

"Permanent," Jack repeated, a pleased smile tugging at his lips. "I like the sound of that."

"Me too," Daniel agreed, gazing at him sincerely. He truly meant what he said.

"Then, if that's the case…" Sam flipped through more pages in the book. "We've got to plan this out completely. First, we'll sort through the ones that you like the most. Then, we'll look at the ones in your price range. Next, we'll compare and contrast, and make a list of pros and cons so…"

Daniel shot Jack a pleading look, blocking out Sam as she continued her lecture on real estate pricing. He nodded, passing a knowing look, and intervened.

"Uh, Carter? Why don't you leave the house hopping to me."

"Sir?" She frowned, not quite understanding the hint in his voice. "All I need to do is call this friend of my brother Mark…"

"Which I am sure is great and all, but why don't you leave the house hunting to me," Jack said again. "You can take on his wardrobe."

"Um, excuse me?" Daniel asked.

"Wardrobe?" Sam seemed to consider the thought. "That might actually be fun. Janet and I know this great place in town."

"What's wrong with my clothes now?" Daniel asked defensively.

"Yeah, just make sure you don't pick out any more plaids. He's got enough of those. And please, no more tweed."

"I like tweed. What's wrong with tweed anyway?" Daniel crossed his arms. "And my wardrobe has much more variety to it than when I first started working here, so I don't know what your problem is."

God, he was talking about his clothes. This had to stop.

"If Major Carter will be choosing clothing for DanielJackson, and you will be preparing housing, how shall I be of assistance?"

"Uh, Teal'c, guys, it's okay, I don't—"

Jack shrugged, glancing at Sam, and then back to Teal'c. "Don't know. What about food? You want to handle food?"

"I need a house before I can buy food," Daniel pointed out. How all of a sudden had he been kicked out of this conversation?

"Food is acceptable."

"Though, Daniel would need a refrigerator first before we could purchase any food. And a house," Sam reminded them.

"I just said that."

"Okay, then, Teal'c. You can handle furniture."

"I need a house—"

"And the food." Jack turned to Daniel. "Okay with you?"

Daniel blinked at him. Since when had they completely taken over everything?

The three of them waited expectantly, anticipating his next move. Daniel shrugged, throwing his hands up in the air. What was the point in arguing anyway? They had already decided. Besides, even if he didn't want to admit it, he enjoyed the attention, and he knew this made them feel closer to him, and helped them fight any insecurity they still might harbor.

"Fine." He paused, taking a moment to carefully wrap a Greek stamnos depicting Apollo as he played his cithara. "Teal'c has good taste anyway."

"Have you even eaten his food?" Jack asked incredulously.

Daniel glanced at Teal'c—and his cool gaze at Jack—before he finished packing the wine jar. "I wasn't talking about the food. I am talking about his taste in furniture."

"You into all that candle stuff?" Jack made a face.

"No, but I have seen a lot of the furniture on Chulak. And I enjoyed what I saw on Tuplo's planet. And Cimmeria…"

"Okay. Okay." Jack held out a hand. "I'll be more than happy to help you find a house, and help you move. But there is no way in hell that you're going galactic shopping and having me haul furniture through the Stargate just to decorate your house."

Sam giggled, flopping the real estate book back on the bed. "If you go furniture shopping planet to planet, we can get you some clothes out there too. I know this planet where everyone dresses in this brilliant blue…"

"I still have those robes," Daniel commented.

"Still? God, throw those out!" Jack exclaimed. "Why do you keep so much junk? Nevermind, I don't want to know."

He sighed, but Daniel couldn't help but smile, finding the whole conversation amusing, in some sort of twisted fashion. But it felt good. Really good.

"Whatever. This is dull," Jack muttered, changing the topic. "And my stomach is roaring. How 'bout we grab some lunch and then figure this out later?"

"Sounds good to me, sir."

"Sure."

"I am in agreement."

"Great," Jack said, shoving his hands in his pocket and motioning to the door. "Let's get going."

"Okay, I'll be right with you guys," Daniel said.

As he watched them leave, he paused for a moment at the doorway and then shot a forlorn look back at his room. He felt as if he was leaving something behind, and stumbling into something new. It was purely symbolic, he conjectured, but he felt it all the same. Slowly, his life was coming into focus; he was rebuilding his past to solidify a new future.

With a sigh, he slipped on his jacket, stood there, and stared.

_Anyone who said that life was easy must have not really lived at all_, he thought to himself as he soaked on the details of a Malaysian mask that was hanging above his bed. With all his knowledge and all his experience, it had still taken him years to realize just how much he was missing, and how much more he could accomplish.

Death and rebirth can give someone that kind of revelation, he imagined.

Jack had told him that he couldn't ignore all the difficult times of the past. That embracing both the positive and negative were crucial to the soul-searching process. Well, he might not have said it in those words, but the meaning behind them stuck with Daniel.

Not unlike the teachings of Oma Desala, he mused. How ironic.

In the end, he was the one to decide what he must do with his life and how he must handle his life experiences and all the qualities that have made him the person he is today. If he could understand and grasp this concept, then he was sure that he could do anything.

It would take time, just like it would take time to rebuild his friendships and his place here at the SGC. But already, the boundaries were crumbling, and as each day passed, he felt more and more like himself, and more comfortable with those around him.

He knew they felt the same.

He would not be going back to the disillusioned time before his death. Not at all. In fact, he felt more renewed, like he could take on any task.

It was a good place to be.

"Hey, Daniel? You alright there?"

Daniel turned his head, noting Jack standing behind him, his features slightly distressed. With a deliberate nod, Daniel smiled back at him. "Yes. Everything's fine."

"You sure?"

Daniel smiled again, this time a soft, appreciative smile. "Yes. I was just thinking, that's all. Thinking about something a wise man once told me."

"Oh." Jack had that look of both disinterest and worry. "Do anything for ya?"

"Actually, it did," he said softly. "Much much better than his old mantra."

"Old mantis? What?"

"Mantra. His old mantra," Daniel enunciated. "Beer will fix everything."

"Ah." Now Jack was grinning. "This man sounds very wise indeed. Didn't he also say great things such as… the flame burns—"

"No, no. This wise man should not get metaphysical," Daniel said wryly.

Jack cocked a half-sure smile, shaking his head. Daniel took the opportunity to become serious once again.

"Jack…thanks." He gazed at him warmly, hoping that his expression could do more than his words. "Thanks for everything."

Jack nodded, but there was a softening in his eyes. "Hey, it's nothing," he said quietly. "Thank yourself." Pursing his lips, he patted Daniel on the shoulder, lingering for just a moment as he gazed at him gently. "It's good to have you back." Then he withdrew, and cleared his throat, motioning to the door. "Let's go. Teal'c is hungry and we know what can happen if he doesn't get fed."

Daniel chuckled. "Yeah, I'm sure he'd appreciate you talking about him that way."

"He won't know if you don't snitch," Jack told him, his tone obvious. "So, shh. And let's go. Now, I'm hungry."

Daniel chuckled again, shaking his head, before catching once last glance at his room. All he had wanted was a place he could truly belong…

Smiling, he shut the door.

THE END


End file.
